Online Dating Etiquette


It think it’s important to always put our best foot forward in life. If we slack off just because we’re not doing things ‘in person’ …what does that say about us? Laziness is not becoming, especially when it comes to searching for a mate.

So. What is the etiquette for online dating sites? What are the expectations and where do we fall short?

Let’s start with the basics:

Honesty.

You’d be surprised (or perhaps you wouldn’t) how many people lie within the first few paragraphs of their online profile. Anything from age to height to weight and even what they look like, can be deceiving. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve met someone who clearly had old (as in many years) pictures of themselves posted when they’d obviously seen better days. One wonders why they think they’ll get away with this as nobody does. Not unless you’re dating a blind person.

Whatever fib you tell is going to be found out about at some point. Keep it honest and you’ll be successful; BS about stuff and you’ll fail, at some point, every time.

What if someone messages you and you aren’t interested?

This is a tough one because, although I hate ignoring people and being ignored, there is a place and time for everything. I never respond to people far away from me and those that are either really young or really old. I think it’s foolish to assume otherwise. But, if someone messages me and they’re not what I’m looking for, I always respond kindly and tell them. This could backfire as I’ve gotten nasty, rude emails back in the past. But that just tells me I really made the right choice! I also will never respond to someone who doesn’t put any thought, whatsoever, into messaging me. It’s all about 1st impressions and if all you can do is say: “Hi.” Well…you’re about as interesting as watching paint dry and I’m not going to waste my time with you.

What if I no longer want to message someone for whatever reason but they’re expecting me to respond?

Honesty really is the best policy and there are several polite ways to tell someone that you’re no longer interested. Maybe you met someone and you want to see where it goes? Maybe they said something too weird or offbeat for you…perhaps they just got boring? By the way, Match.com offers a handy little drop down box to select your ‘thanks but no thanks’ response. I like that idea.

Tell them in a polite way that you no longer wish to correspond. Be creative but caring. I hate it, personally, when I think things are going along smoothly and then Mr. Cute Guy goes radio silent and I don’t know why. It’s rude and if you’re rude before you even meet me, what would you be like if I were your girlfriend.

What if they NEVER invite me to meet them and we end up more as pen pals?

This is silly. I always wait for the man to ask me to meet him as I know men like the chase. They’re hunters, after all. If they don’t, eventually I will ask them if I really like them or, I will bow out, gracefully. It’s competitive, clearly they’re busy with others and you’re not at the top of the list so, why waste your time when they are probably stringing you along in case’ Hot Girl #1 or #2 doesn’t work out?

My advice is to be clear in your profile what you are looking for. Also, don’t let it read like a resume. Unless you’re a stunning model, men actually do read profiles. I know…I’m NOT stunning and I get compliments on my profile all the time and from all over the world.

Be creative and may the romance be with you!

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Online Dating is a Crapshoot


I seem to be getting nowhere but still I’m not deterred. It’s a crapshoot and I suck at gambling but here I am. I start a conversation…we go back and forth a bit and then “poof” cute guy disappears from site. Or…cute guy is now ignoring me. I will point out that these are usually men that I’ve reached out to, first, but not always.

I’m certainly getting a lot of attention but not from those that I think are good matches for me. I’m picky and I should be. If someone is into dancing…that’s just not going to work, I suck at dancing and unless I’m drunk, I will not be enticed onto the dance floor. I try very hard to NOT get drunk.

However, if you’re into Latin Dancing, that’s different and I’d love to learn it. I’m terrible at wriggling about on the dance floor in a far-too-noisy club and I just look stupid. It was cool when I was 20; not so cool when I’m nearly 50.

If the first line on a man’s profile is about their kids…or God, I run. I get that you have children; it’s not something terribly uncommon and you’d be surprised to know that MOST people have one or more. BUT – this is a dating site. It’s about YOU, not your offspring. This is about YOU finding a relationship outside of your children. Yes, they’re important but, again, that’s not what this is about.

Too often I read: my kids, My KIDS! My kids, my kids, my kids…OH! My KIDS!!

Over and over and over.

Congratulations, you had sex and procreated. Yay…you…

Again, dating site, if you have ankle bitters, that’s cool. I don’t have an issue with that. Tell us you have some (so that we know) and leave it at that.

For the boys who need to tell us that GOD is in their life in the first sentence, please let me redirect you to Christian Mingle. There, you will find lots of ladies who are also very much into GOD. And Jesus, too! Good luck!

OKC dudes have left the building, it would seem and so have POF dudes. I simply have to start anew.

I’m okay with that. Actually, I’m impressively good at it!

I’m up for the challenge; bring it on.

Challenge

Trials and Tribulations of Online Dating Part Deux


As I read through a plethora of profiles, some of them stand out. There was one, this morning, which although ‘tongue in cheek’ carried a weighty: “I’m really pissed at you girls” tone. His points were valid, although I’m not guilty of any of the accusations he listed.

Yes, he had a list.

It would seem there are as many flakey women as there are men on POF. This should discourage me, but it actually doesn’t because: I’m not one of them.

I do see, however, how he could scare away a few potential love interests. He ‘expected’ (mistake #1) that if he was messaging someone in the afternoon, that they would meet by that evening. Although this can and does happen, it’s a bit much to ‘expect’ of people who have jobs/kids/family obligations/plans with, well…other people!

He also got all pissy about posting pictures of oneself in faraway countries. I suspect he doesn’t travel much and doesn’t plan to? His reasons for said ‘pissiness’ was that he wanted someone local. I’m not sure why he’d assume someone wasn’t local just because their pictures were taken somewhere other than where claiming to live in their profile; perhaps there’s more to the story.

He also hated seeing pics of cats and dogs in a women’s profiles. I personally don’t have any pics of Z in mine, but I have no issues with men showing me how cute their pets are. I adore animals…so I’m totally cool if they do, too.

He had a lot of negative feedback. Whilst I get it and his obvious frustrations, it’s not a good way to project yourself. He reminds me of the first date I had (some dude named Mike) post, the Brian Debacle, a completely negative, angry, person but one that is clearly reaching out for help.

How does one help such people? I have no idea and would not attempt it; I think it could be catastrophic as they’re so set on having everything fail, that it definitely will.

There was another interesting one from a fellow who was clearly super intellectual. His profile was very well laid out, although an exceptionally long read. I got through all of it but after careful consideration thought that although his ‘wish-list’ was palatable, I got the sense that through that, he was creating a whole list of expectations (again…mistake #1).

Also he was into something called: The Zeitgeist Movement. I did a little research and it seems to be an internet-based cult. Now, I’m exceptionally open minded, but even that may be a little too ‘out there’ for me.

The two that I had positive interactions with, thus far, have not been on in a few days. I’m practicing patience and perhaps both have met others. If that’s the case, I do wish them well, but…the polite thing to do would be to tell me (and every other girl they’re communicating with.

It seems online dating needs some firm etiquette! Stay tuned as I may develop a list and post it here.

May the romance be with you!

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The Trials and Tribulations of Online Dating


One of these days I’m actually going to meet the man of my dreams. God only knows where…or when…or how, for that matter, but I’m damn determined. I figure he’s not going to suddenly and magically appear at my front door. Thus, I have to be ‘out there’ and available.

This means the dreaded online ‘shopping for a mate’ sites.

I’ve now broken a promise to myself by not only perusing one site…but two. I thought everyone would be everywhere but it turns out that’s just not the case. Oh…I do see some peeps on both sites but for the most part, I don’t.

So, here’s an interesting comparison of two of the FREE online dating sites. They’re really free, but if you want any perks, whatsoever, you have to pay. But many still use the basic features and keep it all at no cost. Personally, there are things I want to know so I pay. It’s not much.

Here are some differences between OkCupid and POF. Firstly you may be interested to know that OKC has purchased eHarmony. In my opinion, eHarmony is a complete rip off and I hate them (just a little).

Match.com bought POF. I’m not on Match simply because that’s where I met Brian and my decision is strictly emotional-based. Too many memories are associated with him on there and although they are good ones, I am emotional enough without creating more things to get upset over. I’m trying to move forward, remember?

*Update. Went on Match, anyway. It’s not so bad. I didn’t burst into tears when surfing around, so all is good, thus far. There seems to be a higher caliber of men on here.

POF is really a free for all. You get matches but you get a TON of them. Plus, there are Ultra matches, you can search and they play this silly little game of: whom you want to meet. I get loads of alerts all day long of men who want to ‘meet’ me. I find this funny because 95% of them don’t bother to look at my profile, which means they are only going by pictures of me.

Also, most don’t bother to message me. The ones that do message me actually read my profile. My conclusion is: they don’t want to actually meet me, it’s just a button to click on that says: You’re attractive to me.

Sometimes, if you’re lucky, you’ll get a ‘mutual meet’. That means you apparently BOTH want to meet each other! Then begins the waiting game to see if either of you actually will message one another. I find I’m the one mostly doing it. Sometimes I get completely ignored – which is funny! If you want to allegedly meet me, wouldn’t you message me back?! Nope, not if they only find you cute and can’t be bothered to read your profile. Or…read your profile but then think you’re not compatible with them.

Men are odd.

I look at profiles before I click the ‘meet’ button. It just makes sense. I have to laugh, though, every single time I look at someone’s profile, they’ll run and check out mine!

So if you want a man to actually read your profile on POF, you have to read theirs, first.

On OKC, I find that men read my profile, first, but then…they don’t have a ‘meet me’ icon to click. Instead you can ‘like’ someone but only if you’re an upgraded member. Therefore more people are forced to actually check out a profile.

However, you don’t get a lot of matches, maybe one or two, sporadically. You can search, of course, but it’s a pain in the ass. It’s much easier to search on POF.

Everything is based on what criteria you have in your profile, what questions and how you answered them (you have a ton of mostly really dumb-assed questions to answer) and your search criteria.

OKC has changed from the last time I was on it. They’ve re-done a few things and I think it’s more difficult to maneuver. That being said, for some reason, I’ve found there to be better-suited men on that site for me than POF. BUT – they ditch you quick. Several conversations that I thought were going quite well – simply went cold.

It seems the men on OKC aren’t very polite and they don’t know how to tell you they’ve changed their minds. They just start ignoring you. It’s disappointing. I did check out the women on this site and there are a LOT of very beautiful women in my age group. So…I suspect they have far too much to choose from and after careful consideration, I didn’t make the cut, after all.

I haven’t checked out the competition on POF but I was told by a reliable male source that there are not many attractive women on this site. This could be why I get a lot more attention.

Because POF offers a handy filter where people can’t contact you if they don’t meet certain criteria (such as age, having pics….etc.) I’m not bothered by the horny 20 & 30-something-year olds who think I’m a Cougar. I get this constantly on OKC. As well, I get a lot of men from outside of the country on OKC and I don’t get that on POF. This could be the filter, again. It’s handy.

Currently I’ve got one prospect on OKC and two on POF. Thus far, they all seem like decent guys and are showing interest. This could change, though. I’ve not met any of them, yet.

Stay tuned and don’t touch that dial.