Don’t panic. Jumping up and down, pointing finger, yelling and flapping your arms about isn’t going to stop anything.
DO be grateful for every little thing you have.
Don’t give in to the FEAR. Fear = hate = exacerbates the problem = point of no return.
DO give LOVE…everywhere. Really, send out love to every little atom out there. We can’t possible do this enough. Envision Earth right there in front of you and send it all the love you can muster. Do this a LOT. Love = light = peace = goodness = GOD/Source/Whatever you believe in.
I blog a lot about Brian and how his suicide changed my life. However, this post isn’t so much about Bri, but more on how those changes have taken root and grown in the past (almost) two years.
It’s a little early as it’s two months away but the closer I get to the date, the harder it becomes, emotionally. Today, however, today I can write/talk about what’s happened in the span of almost 24 months.
Firstly, it DOES get easier. It really does. Not a lot, but I’ll take any tiny bit of peace I can get. It’s not that I still don’t think of him every day or get weepy when a song on the radio comes on that reminds me of him…but it’s a little less. I feel I’ve turned a corner on this grief and I wanted to share that with you.
If you’d met me pre-Brian and today, you’d definitely know that I’ve changed as a person – for the good and not so good.
I find that, for nice people, I’m more willing to do just about anything, should they ask. For jerks, I have zero tolerance and I tend to lose my temper, a lot. I’m mindful of my meltdowns and, for the most part, I can calm myself and not fall apart when something makes me irate.
From what I understand, this is still part of processing what happened. It’s getting less and daily meditation is helping.
I find that I’ve become an advocate, of sorts, and will not tolerate any jokes towards mental illness. I’m extremely sensitive towards people talking flippantly about suicide but I’ve also become more aware and caring as an individual. I do what I can for my fellow human and I find that I will cry, easily, over sad or touching pictures/events/videos/etc.
I FINALLY know what I want to be when I grow up! Yes, it’s taken 51 years, but better late than never, right? Had you told me I was going to be a Life Coach? I would have asked: what’s a Life Coach??
I believe in myself (my abilities) a whole bunch more, but my self-esteem still needs some work. No matter how many times my sweetheart assures me I’m NOT fat, ugly, old…(insert every female insecurity here) I have a hard time believing it’s true. Pre-Brian, I was pretty certain I was doing really well and for 49, thought I was hawt! Now, I’m not so sure how I feel about ‘me’. Part of it has to do with that Woman, whom he was still smitten with and who broke his heart (which lead to his premature demise)… and part of it has to do with getting older. Starting Menopause has not been a whole hell of a lot of fun, I can tell you that.
Two years ago, I was doing very well at my job, LOVED it, in fact, and was kinda proud of myself for doing well and being finally debt-free. I really liked myself and knew I was in a good space for a lasting relationship with the right person. I didn’t have any baggage, was saving to buy a place and felt I had a lot to offer.
Today, I’m actually financially even better off (thanks to Brian’s life insurance) but other than having a great down payment for a home and paying off the new car I bought (after I accidentally murdered the old one in a bad accident), the money means nothing to me. It’s not that I don’t appreciate it, that’s not it at all. I really do!
It’s just that money, in general, doesn’t = success/fun, any more. It’s necessary and I need/want it, but it’s just kinda there. Prior to this tragedy, had I come across a large sum of cash, I’d be planning trips and having an awesome time but maybe because I didn’t ‘earn’ this money and because of the circumstances around it, it seems like I shouldn’t spend any of it on anything other than stuff that’s necessary (car/home).
Funny story – when I went to pay off my car loan, the loan clerk looked at me and said (knowing that I’d gotten the cash from an inheritance): Congratulations!!
I just stared at her in disbelief thinking how what I’d do/give/sell (my soul??) to have Brian back. She finally figure out that this wasn’t a ‘happy’ inheritance (what ones ever are?!) and said her condolences for my loss. Idiot.
Today, I appreciate my career but believe it’s not what I’m supposed to do. Today, it’s not about feeding my bank account but feeding my soul and my urgent need to help others.
Two years ago, I ‘may’ have been a tiny bit arrogant. Today ‘humble’ is my middle name. I have a hard time NOT being empathetic to people that, in the past, I would never be. Although, if you say or imply anything bad towards Brian or mental illness (of any sort) the claws come out, quick.
They are quite sharp and lethal, I assure you.
Two years ago, I couldn’t have imagined meeting someone like Pete who is the first man in I-don’t-know-how-many-years…whom I actually BELIEVE is truly in love with me. Seriously, he adores me rotten and I don’t know how I’d be doing, now, without him – me this broken, fragile remanence of a woman.I’m surprised he stuck it out; life with me isn’t always easy.
I needed someone with really BIG LOVE to come into my life…just as Brian needed the same from me. Funny how that works, isn’t it? I helped him, even if he took his life, anyway, I think he stuck around a little while longer because he knew I loved him so VERY much.
Sometimes BIG love is enough, sometimes it isn’t.
I get it now, Spirit, thank you for that lesson.
Two years ago, if you’d told me that I’ve have my own website, little business, and be planning to completely change careers, mid-life, I wouldn’t have believed you.
Two years ago, if you’d told me that I’d come out as a Psychic Medium, I would have burst out laughing. Today, it’s just part of my everyday life.
Two years ago, just before I met Brian, I was really lonely and wondered if I’d EVER find someone to live the rest of my life with. Today, the man I love not only lives with me, but I can’t imagine a day where I wouldn’t wake up next to him. He doesn’t fill the hole that Brian left (it’s a rather large one) but, instead, fills my whole heart with love and joy. I couldn’t be more thankful for him.
Two years ago, I was just going along …living life and not really paying too much attention.
Today, I live in every moment, pay attention to everything and feel blessed for every hurt/tear/sob/scar; because without these, I wouldn’t have grown. I wouldn’t have known the plight of those who are suffering (mostly in silence) with mental illnesses and I wouldn’t have discovered what I really had in me, as a Soul, having a very HUMAN experience.
So yeah, I’m grateful…almost two years later. xo
Wow, what a bizarre 12 months 2016 was! It’s like we all stepped into the Twilight Zone where surreal became reality. I’m not sure I’m over it, yet.
That being said, it’s time to take a big breath (really BIG breath, maybe several) and take a peek into the new year of our lives. What do you see? What do you feel? How do you think you will be?
The New Year is always a bit daunting; especially with the way the world is, today. Let’s face it, there’s a lot of crap going on and for the most part, we are powerless to make an impact. However, here’s 5 things you can do as a start to a positive new beginning.
- Focus your energy on LOVE, not anger.
- Be kinder in a world where there is so much hate, violence and misunderstandings.
- Hug someone, today…even if it’s just your pet. 🙂 Pets need our love and support, too.
- Reach out to a friend you’ve not spoken to in a while and just ask them how they are doing.
- Tell someone you love and appreciate them. It could your mother, or sister or lover or spouse. Maybe it’s your best friend or dad or brother. Maybe it’s yourself. Always save some love for YOU – you need it just as much.
Be brave, my lovelies; I think we’re in for a wild ride but an uplifting one. Let us make a difference, one hug at a time. Let us pass along the positive and the love so that it grows and becomes a force so much stronger than what’s out there, now.
We can do it; I have faith in humanity, one soul at a time.
TONS of love!
Recently, I realized that I’ve been lying to myself. In fact, most of us are not honest with ourselves 100% of the time. I didn’t want to believe what my heart was telling me so I brought my head into the conversation and head said: “Oh, hey there! Don’t worry, we’ll figure this out, don’t listen to Heart – we’ve got this and don’t pay attention to all the hidden little signs of possible trouble ahead, we can deal with those later…”
Turns out, my Head, was very wrong and my Heart was the one really paying attention all along. In essence, I was fooling myself into thinking I could work things out by ignoring all the red flags that were popping up. I let things just ‘happen’ without really watching or listening to signs that everything wasn’t on the up-and-up, and now it’s unraveling because the other person involved wasn’t being honest with themselves, either.
So there we were, the both of us merrily going along, pretending it was all OKAY and ignoring warning signs like: anxiety, control, avoidance, haste, and a few other things that are now coming to light. It’s extremely important that we speak our truth at all times and when someone doesn’t, we get led down a path only to find out it’s a dead-end.
Does this sound familiar? I suspect it does. So…what’s the lesson, here?
I believe if we are truly in sync with ourselves and speak our highest truth, we will find that it’s okay to say: No, I’m not comfortable with that or…I’m not ready for that, yet. We have the right to do that and it’s being fair to all involved. If we acquiesce, constantly, we are not only hurting ourselves, but others, too. And if we try and push the deal through to get what we want (knowing the other person isn’t or might not be totally on board) we do the same thing.
Step into your higher self when being asked the BIG questions in life – like commitment, going forward in relationships, how you feel, where you want to be, what you really want, etc. Be honest and say what’s really on your mind.
In the end, you will avoid a whole boatload of issues that you’ll now have to deal with. It’s like having a massive party at your house and leaving the mess sitting there for months. The longer you wait to clean it up, the ickier it gets and the more difficult it becomes to come clean.
I think if we practice this, in time, our lives will be easier and a lot more peaceful.
I’m live, my lovelies.
Check it out!
Some days I wonder why. Why all the violence, senseless murders, anger, fear and sociopaths filled with hate that may be the next leader of the most powerful country in the world?
What does it all mean? I think the human race, in our time, is experimenting on experiencing …
Just how bad, can or will it get before we let the light in?
They say: it is always darkest just before the Day dawneth.
I dare suspect it will grow considerably darker before humanity understands that we need to change our ways of thinking and doing on a global scale.
And then, there will be a dawn like no other but it will slip into the world so slowly and gently and with such love that it will take us a bit to realize that we’ve emerged out of one of the worst times Western Civilization has ever seen.
Hang on, it’s going to be one hell of a ride.
I’m not writing anything new, here. This isn’t earth shattering news but it merits repeating because 1) it works and 2) so many forget to do this. It’s easy and doesn’t take up much time. As a quick digression and on the subject of time I always hear: But I don’t have enough time to do that!!
Yes. You do. You have nothing BUT time. It’s simply a matter of what you choose to do with the time that you have.
I visualize a lot. I see/visualize money floating and falling all around me when I need extra. It usually appears before long. I want to change careers so I imagine that I’m sitting in my new home in a cozy corner with a client discussing their life plans and I’m both helping them through grief as well as assisting in designing a plan to get their life back on track.
I see it over and over again and although I have firsthand knowledge on grief, I’m not qualified. So I imagine a plaque on the wall with some sort of qualification. Low and behold, I Google online councelling courses and voila! I find an inexpensive college based in Alberta that not only offers a plethora of online councelling courses and certifications… they just happen to have a Grief and Bereavement Counselling Certification Program that I can afford and it’s at my own pace with 6 months to do it in. Yay!
See? It works. I keep stumbling into ‘just what I need’, when I need it, all because I’m manifesting change in my life and I see myself happy doing what I believe I’m meant to do.
But, Carrie, anyone can Google what you did and it stands to reason that you would.
Yes…but I Googled this many times before and nothing like this appeared. It’s only when I start really SEEING my path clearly, that the magic all starts to happen. Oh, I’m sure that web link was there, before, but I didn’t see it because it wasn’t the right time. Events happen at the right time for us and when we’re ready. I didn’t have the finances in place to pay for this course, before. Now, I know money is coming in and I can do so at the end of this month.
It’s an ongoing process. It’s not a one-time deal. Keep seeing yourself doing what you want to do. Do you need a new car? See yourself driving one and make sure you’re specific, as in, see the car in your name and you having the means to pay for that car.
It doesn’t matter where the money comes from; the Universe doesn’t care. It could be from a raise, an unexpected windfall or that long lost Aunt that didn’t have a will and thus you are entitled to a few bucks. It happens. It happened to me! Really; an Aunt passed away and as her nearest relatives were her siblings and my father had long since passed on, it fell to his children. It wasn’t a lot but it certainly helped.
The key is to not limit yourself. There is free will so you can’t make your client buy but you CAN bring money into your life through other means. Keep an open mind.
Do you want a new place to live? Find a picture of a place that you really like. Print it and post it on your wall. Do you want to make six figures? Write yourself a cheque and post it on your wall. It’s a trick from ‘The Secret’. It works. It may take a while but it works.
Trust me; I did it. I did it in two years and for two years in a row, now I’ve made that and more.
Years ago I worked downtown and lived out in the burbs. I was sick and tired of commuting for 3 hours a day. So…I visualized an apartment downtown. I thought about it all the time. When I started looking, it didn’t take long to find EXACTLY what I was looking for. I wanted something close to work so I could walk. I found a place three blocks away. I wanted an older quaint place with hardwood floors. The building I lived in was built in the 1940’s, had hardwood flooring throughout and crown molding on the ceiling. It was tiny, adorable and perfect for me at the time.
Try it! I dare you.