SARS CoV-2


I’ve been hesitating to pen a blog post on this as there is SO much. So much emotion, fear, worry and so much information and misinformation. Where does one start? How can you tackle thoughts on the worst global pandemic in the last 100+ years?

I’ll start by saying there are many forces at work, here. We have the perceived good, bad and the indifferent but mostly we have massive change. It’s not an easy thing to do – shutting the world down in the blink of an eye, but it’s a necessary one. Our values are being re-written, our needs are being challenged and our beliefs are being tested.

We’re collectively struggling and grieving. When you have that many humans caught up in a global web, all stuck in one spot, you get division. You get those who are struggling to put food on the table and are not getting help so shutting down seems pointless and impossible. You get those who will do whatever it takes to keep themselves and others safe because all life is important, and they’d rather do without and suffer – than risk the lives of so many.

Division isn’t new and it’s always been prevalent, however, we are divided now more than ever and especially in the US where there is no central voice that is attending to all, speaking for ALL and listening to ALL. As a Canadian, it’s difficult to comprehend this and although there is division in my country, it’s muted; for the most part, we stand as one and most of us are doing our part to slow this killer down so that our hospitals do not become overwhelmed. Thus far, it’s working but we have failed our elderly and vulnerable and we’re failing them badly.

My point is, we are all discovering (or more appropriately, big problems that were being brushed under the carpet are having spotlights shone on them – really bright ones) our flawed systems and are being forced to now deal with them. This is good and bad. Good because something is finally being done and bad because it should have been taken care of long ago.

Let’s talk about exposure. COVID-19 is exposing all of us: the way we cope and react, the way we adjust or don’t, and the way we give or take. We are learning different behaviors and it’s hard. It’s like being a kid all over again and figuring out social behaviors. It’s changed and it takes time to adjust when we really have very limited time. How fast a country can turn on a dime is relevant to how that country naturally behaves. Every system is different due to belief systems, patterns and culture.

Yet I will say, Earth has turned a page and its human citizens are more on that ‘same’ page than ever before. So, in a sense, we are more united than we’ve been since…well long before I was born.

I think the really big questions are yet to be answered: what positive changes will we take away from this experience once it’s over, what negative ways will we return to just because we can and we don’t want to give up our perceived luxuries of consumerism? This is yet to be discovered.

Still, I have hope. I have hope that we will emerge a better species, more tolerant, more adaptable, more alert to our environment and the need to protect it. I pray that we will be better focused on healing, caring, alignment of nurturing collective thought patterns and just plan taking care of all (not just us).

We are in a perfect storm and that storm is different for each of us. How we’ll be after the skies clear and sun comes out is up to each of us, as individuals to discover. We’ll be looking at a different world. Some will adapt, some will struggle.

At the end of the day, we still all have choices. Collectively we can choose to change what is important to us. We can collectively choose to work together to make a better planet and better life for everyone.

We are starting to wake up and really know that we don’t ‘need’ many things we’ve always thought that we needed. Or, maybe we can need ‘less’ or need differently. There is always a better way to do things that serve everyone. It’s up to us to figure out what that is. I believe we are at the tipping point to not just think about it but begin to put best practices into place.

For COVID Blog post

Happy New Year


As I do every year on New Year’s Eve (you probably do this, too), I think about the last 12-months of my life and contemplate just what went on.

Was it a good year? Did some bad things occur? What good things happened? Was I grateful enough? Did I learn anything? Am I a better person or…a worse one? Do I feel grief for anything? What made me smile and what made me weep?

Oh… So many laughs and way too many tears. We said goodbye to my best fur friend of 17-years and turned around and said hello to a new forever kitten who lit up our lives. We continue to work and cope with mental illness and drug addiction in my family and do our best to forgive. It’s hard work. It’s worthy work. It keeps me up at night and it offers a wealth of learning.

I try and be the best version of myself, but then I slip up and disappoint. I get up again and for a while, I am the best I can be. Then, I fall down, once more and anger gets the better of me.

I think it’s called ‘being human’. We all rise and sink to our occasions.

I think New Year’s resolutions should be kept simple:

  • Be the best you can.
  • Love with your whole being.
  • Forgive, forgive, forgive (include yourself in there).
  • Be open. Open your heart, your mind and your soul.
  • LISTEN (shhhh!)
  • Be happy in the NOW. Now is the only time that actually exists. Always remember that.
  • Dance. Have fun. Be silly. Laugh. Please, laugh until tears are in your ears!
  • Remember who you are: A Soul having a Human experience.

Can you do that? Can you be better? Can you do better and make the changes in your life that raise your vibrations and add to the light in the world?

Can you?

I know I will. See you in 2020. xo

On the Edge of Dream

W.E.I.R.D.


Are you one of those people whom others call -weird- ? Yeah? I am, too.

I grew up thinking I was weird, and for the 1st 23-years of my life, believed that the OBO’s I had when I was a child (out of body experiences) were nothing more than elaborate dreams that taunted me.

I was fascinated with extraterrestrials (I blame my dad for getting me hooked in Star Trek when I was three) and ghosts. Anything paranormal was interesting and wonderful. Faeries? I believed in them! Magic? Like, real magic (not silly card tricks) was alive and well in my world.

I could catch my mother’s thoughts and would often hear her calling me before she opened her mouth. Once I nearly walked into her as she excited her bedroom as I was walking in to find out what she wanted.

When I was older, I knew things before they’d happen. I think I saw my first psychic when I was in my early 20’s. I thought they were amazing! When they started telling me that I’d do what they do, one day, I couldn’t fathom it. Yet, here I am!

Maybe you didn’t start out being ‘weird’ but had some major trauma in your life that caused a shift. After that, you couldn’t look at the world the same; something was different about you and there was no going back.

Perhaps this trauma was so huge that you felt that you’d lost your way. All your coping mechanisms had run away screaming and you were left feeling empty, alone and frightened. The only constant in your life was change and either you accepted it and moved with it or life became a dark sea of pain.

Let’s hope it’s the former. I’ve been down both roads and change is inevitable albeit not a lot of fun. It’s much easier to jump on that Change Train than fight it. If you’re like me, somewhere in that fog, you started to awaken.

What I mean by that is things became clearer, little by little the lights came back on. Only, this time, they were brighter.

You started to think differently, and suddenly some of the people in your life didn’t fit in, anymore. That’s when new people magically appeared. People who thought like the new and different you. People you could relate to.

Whether you’ve always been a little odd or there was an event that tipped you over, weird is wonderful. Weird is beautiful and to be frank, normal isn’t what it’s cracked up to be. It’s a little dull.

The world is changing. WE are changing and we’re energetically growing and … becoming.

We’re becoming… WEIRD.

Wakeful and present in every moment.

Energetically connected to everything.

Intellectually and spiritually grounded.

Resonating in my greatest and highest good.

Dharma focused in vibrational harmony with my higher self.

Weird is pretty rad, isn’t it?

Elegant woman dancing on water. Sunset and silhouette.

Creating Your Day


If you’re like me, the moment you wake up in the morning, you start to think about all the things you have to do for the day. Sometimes, there’s worry. Worry about things that may or may not happen. Often our thoughts are rather negative.

I’ve been doing a little experiment.

Instead of thinking about all the things that could go wrong, I ask one question:

What’s the BEST thing that can happen today?

Then, I get all excited about all sorts of wonderful things that can happen, literally creating my reality with universal energy. It may sound all fluffy and woo-woo…but let me tell you something.

It works.

Not only have things magically appeared but they keep coming in! The key is to come at this from a place of fun and love. Not desperation or fear.

Have FUN with it! Think of it as a fun experiment that can’t fail as you’ve put zero expectation into it, yet you’re open to ALL possibilities.

Go on. Try it and watch the magic happen.

Magic hands

Taking Care


It’s been a while since I’ve had the energy to write a blog post and I thought the reasons why (anxiety/stress/fear/grief) would be a good topic, and how we need to look after ourselves during difficult times.

Maybe you’re one of those people; you know, that person whom everyone else relies upon. The Dependable One. Is this sounding familiar? You are that individual that people turn to when times are tough. Maybe someone has lost a family member, or your neighbour was in an accident and they need your help. Perhaps you have a good friend whose life is full of frustration, and they need someone to really hear and see them. That someone just happens to be YOU.

The thing is, you’re probably going through your own stuff. Maybe you have people in your life that you care about that have addictions. Perhaps there’s an ill family member or your job is dragging you down. It could be a number of issues and situations that cause feelings such as anxiety/stress/fear/grief, or even, anger/depression/hopelessness. All you need to do is pick one.

Thus, along with being there for everyone else, you are dealing with your own shit, too.

This can be difficult because you may not be the kind of person who feels comfortable reaching out for help, for yourself. You may not post about all of your ‘stuff’ on social media. In fact, you could be really quiet about what’s going on in your own life, only sharing with a select few…so not many really know that you’re suffering, too.

During these times, self-care is imperative. Let’s call it emotional health rather than mental health. I don’t really like the term coined by science: mental health as opposed to physical health, because it implies that our brain is separate from our physical bodies. It is not. However, our emotions/feelings are intangible results of situations and, ultimately, our experiences.

We could get into quite the lengthy debate over whether our experiences are stored in our brain, our heart, or our soul. I think all are true. That said, we can’t exactly examine an emotion, touch it, feel it, measure it, in the same we can a physical body part. It’s an invisible energy/force that has a ripple-effect on everything.

So, let’s get to the meat and potatoes of my point. During stressful times where there are elements beyond your control that cause upset, one needs to slow it down and take a little care of both our physical body and emotional wellbeing.

Yet, so few take the time to do this. We’re all caught up in a race to some finish line (possibly death) and not many make time to simply BE STILL and allow emotions to settle down, so we can better serve ourselves. If we can’t serve ourselves, we certainly can’t serve others.

How many times have you heard this phrase uttered by breathless, stressed-out and angry people when told to slow down: “I’ll slow down/sleep when I’m dead!”

People, I have news for you; life doesn’t end when your body is dead and there is no slowing down or sleeping in the Afterlife. But, that’s another blog post so let’s carry on with the presenting theme of this one.

Are you still with me?

Make. Time. For. Your. Self. That is all that is required. Whether it’s meditation, physical exercise, reading a good book or simply going for a walk, in nature – all of it will help you cope.

Take care of your feelings. Let’s dig a little deeper into that sentence.

Caring for your feelings. This would indicate that you have to acknowledge that you’re having some that are causing you problems, in the first place. Then, you have to figure out which one/s they are, and finally why/what is the underlying cause AND (last but not least), care about them.

Drilling down and taking a deep dive into ourselves can be a bit foreboding but once you’ve identified what’s happening, you can move forward with a plan to create a better environment for you to heal and, ultimately, feel better.

Does that make sense?

There are tons of posts about self-care, out there, and I don’t want to get into self-indulgence because this isn’t what I’m writing about. More to the point, I’m writing about holding space for yourself before you hold space for someone else. If we’re not at our best with our own body and spirit, we can’t be our best for someone else’s.

It’s okay to say: No.

Saying no doesn’t make you a bad person. It’s simply respecting your own space and creating boundaries. There will be times when you’re overloaded while dealing with your own personal life, that you simply can’t deal with another’s. That’s okay. No one will blame you and if they do, that’s their issue. Let them go; you don’t want these types of people in your life, anyway. They’re draining, and they’ll suck the life out of you.

Creating boundaries doesn’t make you selfish. You’re not a narcissist if you’re giving yourself some consideration, once in a while, instead of always putting everyone else, first.

It doesn’t mean you have to give a play-by-play on Facebook about how/what you’re doing for your self-care. In fact, during this time, I recommend that you stay away from things like Social Media, entirely. There’s a lot of BS on there that we can get all caught up in and let me tell you: things are not always what they seem.

So, what are you going to do to take care of your emotional health? When are you going to start putting up a few boundaries and say no, once in a while, to allow yourself to move through your own stuff?

At what point will you discover you’ve got so little energy that it’s time to S L O W down and make room for some healing?

I’d say the time is now. In this very moment. Just do it. Start the process and watch yourself become a better, healthier/stronger, you.

You can do it. I believe in YOU. xoAnxiety concept word cloud background

Succeeding Through Failure


Think of the last time you failed at something. I’m going to bet you can recall it in great detail. In fact, I know you play the entire scenario in your mind, over and over; a mini movie that you pause at certain intervals to capture and digest all of the littlest details.

We analyse our failures with incredible precision to see how/why we didn’t make better choices. We do a lot of: If onlys and what ifs.

  • If only I didn’t do that, this other thing wouldn’t have happened.

  • If only I did do that thing, the event/relationship/solution/insert-anything-here, would have gone better.

  • What if I had been there/what if I hadn’t shown up…that thing wouldn’t have gone as badly.

What if, instead of looking at past events as failures, we decided to view the offending incident as a valuable opportunity to grow and move into a different life direction, one that serves us better? How about taking on a broader scope of understanding and exiting with the experience as something that brought you to a higher place thus realizing that your failure was actually a planned success.

Let’s take a deeper dive into that: planned success. Every big experience that changes us in some way is actually designed to help us succeed. What we see as failures is really a path of events to show us we have alternatives and that we can act on them if we so choose to do so.

Have you ever found yourself repeating the same mistake over and over? Maybe you’re drawn to a certain personality type in your love life and the relationship always ends up in a big disaster. From the inside you can perceive yourself as always failing. From the outside, there is a much bigger message. And that is: this personality type has lessons for you and until you learn them, you will be repeating the same sequence throughout your life.

Your repetitious theme could be something as simple as self-respect or restraint. Only you will recognize the pattern that you’ve created. Maybe your mother was controlling so you have always dated controlling women. Can you see where I’m going with this?

Once we can recognize the pattern, we can break it. Once it’s broken, we can heal and move forward. This is success. If you can take away something of value from your past failures, this is success. If you can learn and grow; move a painful incident into greater awareness – then you’ve succeeded.

Instill your success in everything, even if you think you’ve failed. You haven’t; you’re just learning how not to do something or learned that you can do it better or differently to yield more favourable results.

There is always a better/different path waiting for you if you choose to take it. Don’t be afraid to mess things up because through this you’ll reveal your greatest triumphs.

Motivational and inspirational life quotes - Failure is success in progress.jpg Blurry background (1)

Money and Happiness Are Not Synonymous


When we picture money in our lives (especially a windfall) we feel all giddy about what we can get for ourselves, what adventures we can afford and all of the potential GOOD we can do with it.

So it stands to reason that having money = happiness, right?

No. In fact, although money is an essential means of existence and to ‘not’ have it can and does cause unhappiness…it’s not money in itself that creates happiness or negates it.

Let’s be clear. Money is nothing but a medium of ‘exchange’ …and most of it isn’t even tangible, anymore, it’s digital. So we have a digital form of energy that is a medium of exchange for goods and services.

Think about it. What’s the history of money, anyway? While no one is completely certain, we do know that around 5000 BC, people were exchanging pieces of metal for goods and services. At around 700 BC, the Lydians (an Iron Age kingdom of western Asia Minor) were using coins.

Before that, we bartered and traded: you give me 10 apples and I’ll give you 2 bags of rice. If I didn’t need the apples but wanted meat, instead, I took those apples to someone who was ‘selling’ meat and traded the apples for some of that.

So, were we all unhappy prior to using money?? NO! Of course not.

That said, our planet, today, is completely obsessed with it.  That is because most believe that money also = power. To some degree, it does…but that would really depend on how you measure power and what it means to you.

Are you powerful if you are in control of your own life and are able to manifest your own happiness without the aid of anyone but yourself? Are you powerful if you allow yourself to do what you LOVE and be who you really are rather than conform?

Or, are you powerful because you have a lot of money?

These are great questions and I don’t think I can address them in just one blog post!

That said, we all have our own truth and if you believe that you can’t be powerful without money, I tell you to look at people such as: Gandi, Mother Theresa and the Dalai Lama.

“But!” you yell… “Look at all those rich and powerful people …!” as you go along to list a bunch of people WITH money AND power and suggest that this is truly the magical formula.

Yet…are they happy people? I could argue that and I suspect some of them truly are. It doesn’t mean that they are happy because they have lots of money.

Was Gandi happy? I’m going to say that he was.

The thing is – money is not happiness and happiness is not money. They can be found together or apart – kinda like chocolate and peanut butter; some find them delicious together while others (maybe you’re allergic to peanuts) find it devastating.

So there you go. You CAN be happy with or without money. It’s not a necessary ingredient as happiness is really an individual and exclusive thing and it is not a byproduct of having ‘stuff’ or having certain people in your life. I know people who have taken their lives because they didn’t have that one person with them, anymore, but when I asked if they were ‘happy’ when this person was with them….they said ‘no’, ultimately not.

You and only you are responsible for your happiness and no amount of cash, beautiful people or other outside influences will create happiness within YOU.

They can be influential and they can contribute but ultimately it’s up to your own conscious being to decide whether or not you will be or are, ultimately, happy.

Becoming


Over the past decade or so (probably a bit longer) I’ve been obsessed with personal growth. I decided long ago that I wanted to be the best possible ‘me’ that I could during my stint on Earth.

I do believe that you can reinvent yourself every new day and every moment, you can choose whom you want to be. Before you think I’m standing on a soapbox, pointing to my halo – I’m very, very far from Sainthood.

That said, if we are conscious of who we are and who we want to become, we can work towards becoming better. That being: kinder, gentler, more humane and understanding, giving, loving and forgiving.

You get the point.

For the first time in many years, I’m feeling very secure in my life; I have a loving partner, two adorable pets, lots of friends, a lovely home and a pretty secure job. Yet…I look at all of that and ask: what does it mean? Does this automatically equal happiness? What IS happiness and does having all-of-the-above guarantee it?

Absolutely not.

Whenever I express to my Guides that I want to heal people they retort: Heal yourself, first. When I say I want to be helpful to society, I get: help yourself, first.

It is, as always, good advice. If you can’t make yourself better, the one person you know best….how can you help anyone else?

They make a good point.

So that’s what I do. I do the work on myself, first. And I keep on doing it because there is always room for improvement.

I’m working on being the best me that I can be. I’m be-coming; coming into my human being with all of my soul self and it’s a lifetime process.

But while I’m healing and helping myself, I can certainly help others. It’s recognizing that we are always a work in progress, forgiving ourselves for our past mistakes, missed opportunities and those other things we’re so-not-proud-of.

So, how are you healing yourself? How are you working on becoming who you were meant to be and how can I help you with that?

carrie@thehealingcorner.ca                                                                www.thehealingcorner.cablog post

Cancer


Today I learned that my mother has it. And it’s not the first time she was told she had breast cancer, but the previous time…her doctor spoke out of turn before he had the results back. He was wrong. Then, she was fine.

It was about 14-years ago and I remember panicking. I turned down a job, packed up all my stuff in another Province, left my boyfriend and came back to British Columbia, tout de suite. But this time… this time, it’s real.

I’ve had one parent leave this world because of it, already, and I’ve had my best friend beat it in the bravest and humblest of ways.

Mom’s prognosis is really good which I’m eternally grateful for but there’s that conniving little voice whispering in my ear: “Yeah, but…she is 81, Carrie, and it’s spread to some of her lymph nodes; if I were you, I’d be very worried. I think you should let this flood your brain with ‘what if’s’, panic (at least a little) and make sure you get even less sleep than you do because that’s the right thing to do. If you don’t, you’re a bad child.”

Yup, that little voice is an asshole, for sure.

Part of me wants to give in but a larger part of me says: No. It will be what it will be and as it should be. It’s not my call and all the worrying panicking and lost sleep in the world isn’t going to change the outcome.

So I’ll let her be strong (she likes to call herself a Pit Bull with lipstick). I’ll let her lead the way in how she wants to be treated and helped. I’ll probably call more and such but I’m not going to treat her as if she’s going to drop dead, tomorrow; she’d be super angry if I did. I’ll say it again: Pit Bull wearing pink choral-shaded lipstick. She never sets foot outside without it. Seriously, you do not want to piss this woman off.

If I were my own Coach, I’d ask myself how I’m feeling about all of this. I’d ask how I planned to move through my days with this new information and I’d ask how I was going to take care of myself so that I can make sure I’m there for her 1000%.

It’s an interesting place to be – holding space for myself and flip-flopping back and forth until something makes sense and I balance myself out.

Despite all of my spirituality and coaching ability, we are only human, after all. I’ve long ago prepared myself for her eventual move into the afterlife – we all will get there, but it’s not wanting anyone to suffer if this is what turns out to be her exit plan. My father suffered a LOT. I don’t wish that on anyone.

That said, all could be well and she could carry on being the tough old lady she is for many years to come.

It’s not for me to know at this point.

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The Letter


A while ago, I took a little writing course. One of the exercises I had to do was write a letter to myself (from my future self), one that I’d read, back in time. Of course, I had to choose the most difficult day of my entire life to send this letter to: the day after Brian took his life. 
I found this exercise most powerful and healing. I will incorporate this into my Coaching sessions as I think it’s valuable to people. 
Feel free to give it a try. 

May 11, 2017

Hello me,

It’s me…

You’re reading this the day after that really bad thing happened (May 12, 2015). That’s what we (as in- you and I) ended up calling it. Sometimes we simply can’t bear to speak it out loud. It’s been two years. In fact, today is the 2nd anniversary of his death.

I know you’re in shock. I know this is the very worst thing that has every happened in your life. We both know there have been a lot of very bad things – this one tops all of them. I believe with all my heart we will never have to deal with anything this terrible, ever again. That’s a good thing because I don’t think you/we could survive it.

Right this moment, you’re torn apart and your heart just went through a rusty shredder. It’s been hurled all over the place, bits and pieces of bleeding muscle and everything is soaked in your tears. The very sky is dripping with sadness in spite of it’s perfect spring-blue. The cherry trees are still blooming and a warm west wind blows in to ripple the Pacific, but all you see is black.

I want to explain a few things to you so that eventually, you can take back something that you had so strongly before this happened: Hope.

Our love for him was enormous, vividly deep and hope was our wings; we defied everything. We felt it would carry us and him through those dark and inky days. We were wrong about that because it was never our choice. It was always his.

I need you to know that hope lives on and that this pain will ebb back into that depthless sea from which it came. Like a shadow moving through the light, it will take on many forms, grow, recede and finally it will only follow you around, a ghost, catching your attention, now and then, instead of staring you right in the face as it’s doing now – screaming that this CAN’T be true, there MUST be some sort of mistake because Brian CAN NOT be dead.

You’ll eventually come to terms with this and please know that he is here, always with you, always sending you signs and he hasn’t stopped. He won’t unless you ask him to.

I want you to understand that we made it through the fire. Oh yes, we walked right on through the centre of agony and didn’t stop. We just kept on moving forward even though it was excruciating and when we emerged, black and scorched, we turned back to look but the fire was gone. We’d used it all up, consumed it in our grief. There was nothing left but our smoking footprints to show us where we’d been.

We’d made it.

YOU, will make it. You HAVE made it and even though there are moments when you are raw again, broken apart and the tears flow like muddy rivers…you never let go of that hope. It carries you, it cradles you and now it leads you to where you’ve always needed to be.

So, cry and sob and be angry. Scream, weep softly and know you loved like you’ve never loved in your life. Remember him. Speak his name, often. He’s around and you can feel him in the stillness of the morning, just before the birdsong, moments before the first rays of dawn and seconds after the darkest part of the night.

Hello me…it’s me. Today is the first day that he’s gone – really gone… you feel as if you, too, may leave this world from your torn apart heart. You won’t. You’re still here, better than ever. Hope, your love, his love, all that brought you here and all those days yet to be born, are waiting just for you.

So…what would you say to your past self if you could send a letter from the future? 
sad woman

Lighting Up the World


There is a lot going on in the world; I’m stating the obvious, here. International political relationships haven’t been this bad in a long time. I think there are various degrees of concern. While many simply go about their day-to-day lives and never give war/poverty/violence on a Global Scale a second thought…there are others that are all too aware, that if unchecked, this could escalate into something really, really, bad and before we know it, we could be plunging into a third world war.
Does that sound plausible to you or do you think everything will be fine and we should ignore the drama?
Personally, I find disregard for human lives and welfare, anywhere in the world, unacceptable – but, this is the age we live in, isn’t it?
What’s really going on? We launch massive bombs at an already ravaged country and then pat ourselves on the back about it. We make threats to countries that might not have an issue launching their nuclear weapons in our direction. We decide that Global Warming doesn’t exist (just because one guy tells us this) and then we go about our consumer lives and nothing changes. I realize I’m generalizing and when I say ‘WE’ I’m painting with a very broad brush. The fact is, individually, we’re pretty powerless to intervene. Or…are we?
Why aren’t the alarm bells screaming?
I believe that far too many people have become desensitized to global atrocities because they don’t necessarily happen to THEM and let’s face it, watching it on TV or reading about it online, just doesn’t cut it.
I am a Lightworker. Perhaps you are too? If you are, you’ll know exactly what I’m talking about and you’ll want to help. If you don’t think you are, that’s okay – we need you, as well. What I can tell you from a Spiritual perspective, is that there is much happening on the other side. We live in perilous times but this is a wake-up call and a call to action. This is an incredible opportunity to transcend ourselves past this world of starvation, greed, violence and EGO and redefine our humanity. Peace. Love. Harmony. Perhaps that’s too 1960’ish for you?
Then let’s keep it real, current, and start with just yourself. You can do that right? Not too hard?
No one person can really save a planet all by themselves but we can start by changing our way of thinking and doing.
Do’s and Don’ts:
  • Don’t panic. Jumping up and down, pointing finger, yelling and flapping your arms about isn’t going to stop anything.
  • DO be grateful for every little thing you have.
  • Don’t give in to the FEAR. Fear = hate = exacerbates the problem = point of no return.
  • DO give LOVE…everywhere. Really, send out love to every little atom out there. We can’t possible do this enough. Envision Earth right there in front of you and send it all the love you can muster. Do this a LOT. Love = light = peace = goodness = GOD/Source/Whatever you believe in.
There are Lightworkers all over the world doing good work. You can help and all you need to do is suspend whatever disbelief you may have and send a little love into the world. Yup, that’s it. We can make this really complicated, or keep it super simple (KISS).
Go on and light it up so that whatever darkness WE have created, whatever FEAR we are buying into, becomes nothing more than playful shadows.
Never forget, we are the masters of our own destiny. There is no real evil except what we create/manifest. We do this to ourselves and the silly thing is, we can choose not to. We can choose differently.
I don’t care how ridiculous this sounds. Dig deep inside yourself and ask one question:
Would it hurt to send the world some love?
Are you ready? I’ll go through it one more time because you may have missed it.
Close your eyes. Imagine this beautiful blue and green planet in front of you with all its life force as if it were your own child. Focus on your heart chakra or heart area and radiate your love all over it.
If you feel foolish – just remember, no one will know but you.
It can be our little secret…
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Two Years Later


I blog a lot about Brian and how his suicide changed my life. However, this post isn’t so much about Bri, but more on how those changes have taken root and grown in the past (almost) two years.

It’s a little early as it’s two months away but the closer I get to the date, the harder it becomes, emotionally. Today, however, today I can write/talk about what’s happened in the span of almost 24 months.

Firstly, it DOES get easier. It really does. Not a lot, but I’ll take any tiny bit of peace I can get. It’s not that I still don’t think of him every day or get weepy when a song on the radio comes on that reminds me of him…but it’s a little less. I feel I’ve turned a corner on this grief and I wanted to share that with you.

If you’d met me pre-Brian and today, you’d definitely know that I’ve changed as a person – for the good and not so good.

I find that, for nice people, I’m more willing to do just about anything, should they ask. For jerks, I have zero tolerance and I tend to lose my temper, a lot. I’m mindful of my meltdowns and, for the most part, I can calm myself and not fall apart when something makes me irate.

From what I understand, this is still part of processing what happened. It’s getting less and daily meditation is helping.

I find that I’ve become an advocate, of sorts, and will not tolerate any jokes towards mental illness. I’m extremely sensitive towards people talking flippantly about suicide but I’ve also become more aware and caring as an individual. I do what I can for my fellow human and I find that I will cry, easily, over sad or touching pictures/events/videos/etc.

I FINALLY know what I want to be when I grow up! Yes, it’s taken 51 years, but better late than never, right? Had you told me I was going to be a Life Coach? I would have asked: what’s a Life Coach??

I believe in myself (my abilities) a whole bunch more, but my self-esteem still needs some work. No matter how many times my sweetheart assures me I’m NOT fat, ugly, old…(insert every female insecurity here) I have a hard time believing it’s true. Pre-Brian, I was pretty certain I was doing really well and for 49, thought I was hawt! Now, I’m not so sure how I feel about ‘me’. Part of it has to do with that Woman, whom he was still smitten with and who broke his heart (which lead to his premature demise)… and part of it has to do with getting older. Starting Menopause has not been a whole hell of a lot of fun, I can tell you that.

Two years ago, I was doing very well at my job, LOVED it, in fact, and was kinda proud of myself for doing well and being finally debt-free. I really liked myself and knew I was in a good space for a lasting relationship with the right person. I didn’t have any baggage, was saving to buy a place and felt I had a lot to offer.

Today, I’m actually financially even better off (thanks to Brian’s life insurance) but other than having a great down payment for a home and paying off the new car I bought (after I accidentally murdered the old one in a bad accident), the money means nothing to me. It’s not that I don’t appreciate it, that’s not it at all. I really do!

It’s just that money, in general, doesn’t = success/fun, any more. It’s necessary and I need/want it, but it’s just kinda there. Prior to this tragedy, had I come across a large sum of cash, I’d be planning trips and having an awesome time but maybe because I didn’t ‘earn’ this money and because of the circumstances around it, it seems like I shouldn’t spend any of it on anything other than stuff that’s necessary (car/home).

Funny story – when I went to pay off my car loan, the loan clerk looked at me and said (knowing that I’d gotten the cash from an inheritance): Congratulations!!

I just stared at her in disbelief thinking how what I’d do/give/sell (my soul??) to have Brian back. She finally figure out that this wasn’t a ‘happy’ inheritance (what ones ever are?!) and said her condolences for my loss. Idiot.

Today, I appreciate my career but believe it’s not what I’m supposed to do. Today, it’s not about feeding my bank account but feeding my soul and my urgent need to help others.

Two years ago, I ‘may’ have been a tiny bit arrogant. Today ‘humble’ is my middle name. I have a hard time NOT being empathetic to people that, in the past, I would never be. Although, if you say or imply anything bad towards Brian or mental illness (of any sort) the claws come out, quick.

They are quite sharp and lethal, I assure you.

Two years ago, I couldn’t have imagined meeting someone like Pete who is the first man in I-don’t-know-how-many-years…whom I actually BELIEVE is truly in love with me. Seriously, he adores me rotten and I don’t know how I’d be doing, now, without him – me this broken, fragile remanence of a woman.I’m surprised he stuck it out; life with me isn’t always easy.

I needed someone with really BIG LOVE to come into my life…just as Brian needed the same from me. Funny how that works, isn’t it? I helped him, even if he took his life, anyway, I think he stuck around a little while longer because he knew I loved him so VERY much.

Sometimes BIG love is enough, sometimes it isn’t.

I get it now, Spirit, thank you for that lesson.

Two years ago, if you’d told me that I’ve have my own website, little business, and be planning to completely change careers, mid-life, I wouldn’t have believed you.

Two years ago, if you’d told me that I’d come out as a Psychic Medium, I would have burst out laughing. Today, it’s just part of my everyday life.

Two years ago, just before I met Brian, I was really lonely and wondered if I’d EVER find someone to live the rest of my life with. Today, the man I love not only lives with me, but I can’t imagine a day where I wouldn’t wake up next to him. He doesn’t fill the hole that Brian left (it’s a rather large one) but, instead, fills my whole heart with love and joy. I couldn’t be more thankful for him.

Two years ago, I was just going along …living life and not really paying too much attention.

Today, I live in every moment, pay attention to everything and feel blessed for every hurt/tear/sob/scar; because without these, I wouldn’t have grown. I wouldn’t have known the plight of those who are suffering (mostly in silence) with mental illnesses and I wouldn’t have discovered what I really had in me, as a Soul, having a very HUMAN experience.

So yeah, I’m grateful…almost two years later. xosuicide7-copy

 

 

 

 

 

 

Conversations with My Dead Boyfriend


Yep; thought that title would grab your attention.

As an out of the closet Intuitive Medium, I chat with Bri on a regular basis. It’s healing when you’re going through a shit-ton of grief. It doesn’t matter that I have a new man in my life whom I adore and it doesn’t matter that it’s been a year and a half. The ache, the pain, it’s all still there and I need consoling.

So yeah, he knows when I’m in tears and when I have doubts and when I’m heading towards the darkness of depression. He’s been there, you see, so he totally gets it. Having someone he thought he’d spend the rest of his life with suddenly walk out on him and tell him to never bother her again, was devastating to him.

Having a man you’re completely in love with take their life over that is equally devastating. I have some bad days. In fact, I have many bad days where I feel like I’m drowning but somehow I manage to tread water long enough to get to the next day…and the next.

So what does he tell me? He tells me to hang in there. He tells me I’ll be okay; sometimes I don’t believe him but I listen, anyway. He tells me he loves me. I sometimes don’t believe that, either, but that’s just me playing the ‘hurt’ card. I know, in my heart, he does.

He tells me to do it for him and that he’s here for me like I was for him. He thanks me for being so patient with him and never giving up hope. He has high hopes for me. At times, he’s playful (he always did have a stupendous sense of humour!) and sweet. Other times, he’s serious and gets frustrated with me constantly questioning his feelings. He wants me to know, quite adamantly, that he loved me then, loves me now, and will continue to do so.

But sometimes I can be a little shit and I go through the ‘I’m mad at you’ feelings and I slink down into unworthiness and guilt; those are SO much fun to deal with. I loop back around to compare myself to HER – and I can’t because I’m not 13-years younger with a perfect yoga bod with long blonde perfect hair and a perfect pretty face. I’m 50 for God’s sake. Although I think I’ve held up well…

I feel that I wasn’t ENOUGH for him but I know the truth. He wasn’t enough for himself. He wasn’t leaving ME, or HER – he was trying to break up with himself. As he found out, this cannot be done but I assure you the unbearable pain he encircled himself with is long gone. He’s fine – regretful, but fine.

He hangs around, patiently, while I move through self-deprecating emotions and waits until I come to the same conclusion, every time. That I was enough for him and that I DID have what he was looking for in a relationship, and then some. If I can quote him: “A relationship can’t survive, or be of any measurable substance, if there’s no depth. A pretty face and nice body is not depth.”

I have depth in abundance.

What you need to know is…they are around you.

Talk to them. You know who I mean, the one you lost and loved. They are near you a LOT. They see your tears and can hear you just as plain as day. Speak to them out loud and look for signs; they will send them. They are OKAY; they are with Spirit and GOD/Source whatever you want to call IT.

They are alive! They are without hurts and afflictions, they are whole and healthy and happy. And possibly the thing you need to know the most:

They Miss you. They Love you. And they do these things, constantly, as much as you do.

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World Suicide Prevention Day


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I think it no coincidence that today is the day I end up taking Brian’s ashes to scatter them on a beach he played on, as a child. I was supposed to go, last week, but seeing as it was the Saturday before the last long weekend before School is back in, my sister and I thought better of it. Long and busy ferry lineups are not our thing.

I didn’t even clue in that we’d re-worked our plans for THIS day. There are no coincidences…this was meant to be.

I miss him. Every day, I miss him.

For new readers, my late boyfriend, Brian, took his life on May 11th, 2015. It is a day that I’ll never forget and one that changed me for the remainder of this life.

Every blog post I read about those who have lost someone that they love, to suicide, tells a similar story. Gut wrenching pain and all too stupid and insensitive comments; platitudes that are tossed out there to us like left over scraps thrown towards a starving street dog.

I’ve heard it all and if you’ve gone through it, so have you.

Mental illness is not treated like other diseases and can you imagine if someone came up to you and said: “Well that was very selfish of him to die of cancer that way!”

That’s the trash we get from friends, family, people who should know better as well as strangers.

One of my all time favourites: “Why aren’t you over it, yet?”

They don’t know any better. We’ve been taught to be uncomfortable around the word: SUICIDE. Why? Because, in our culture, it’s an unacceptable way to die. We’re not supposed to choose to leave on our own. If we spoke about this out in the open, discussed it with our children and loved ones, early on, so it wasn’t a taboo and unholy subject, I believe less people would die.

For those who are battling depression, anxiety and have ever thought of taking their life or who have attempted it, ignorance and societal judgments, as well as, misunderstandings are just the norm. It’s sad and it makes everything SO much worse and I dare say contributes to the rising rate of suicide and suicide attempts.

Those that are so desperate to end their emotional pain that they are willing to end their lives are treated like criminals and outcasts, and that is the worst crime of all.

Let me share this: what suicide attempt survivors wish you to know.

I’ve met others who’ve had a brush with suicidal thoughts; it’s far more common than you think. I know a suicide attempt survivor who is a good friend of mine. One thing that was said was: “thoughts of ending your life never leave you, they are always at the back of your mind. I’d decided that if I ever needed to attempt it, again, that this time I was going to get it right.”

Brian’s story isn’t new. His isn’t unique although his reasons and pain are unique to HIM. How many other people out there are suffering in silence, afraid to ask for help because we criminalize their pain, lock them up like a common killer, and take away every shred of their dignity and all of the things that make them feel human and provide a sense of belonging?

We can do a better job and we have to. In a future blog post I’ll describe the initial PAU (psychiatric assessment unit) that Brian was put into. I will say, now, that it was frightening and he was very scared. I would be too. I’m sure there is a way to fund some sort of community temporary home that allows safe personal items as well as protects people from themselves in a more loving environment. I strongly suspect that family would be willing to help. I would have been.

One issue that is brought to our attention is that our youth are greatly at risk. One in 5 teens have considered suicide, last year according to this article.

One.

In, Five, teenagers…children, for God’s sake.

What is it going to take for us to be comfortable to talk about this in the open? When are we going to let suicide out of it’s closet, because it’s bloody well banging on the door.

Take your religion out of the picture. Take your presumptuous thoughts and set them aside. IT COULD HAPPEN TO YOU. It could be your best friend, your spouse, your daughter or your dad. It could be your uncle, your cousin, someone you work with, someone you go to school or the gym with. You could save a life. We could all saves lives if we brought this out into the open and just talked about it.

It could be you. You need to know that it’s safe to talk about.

So, let’s do it. Right here. Open up the door and let it out because if you don’t, it could destroy you.

My goal is to help, to council and to coach. My path is to assist in your healing and guide you to your next steps on your journey. Remember, your soul wants to be here. You chose to be here and everyone has everything to live for.

; None of our life stories are over, yet.

 

 

 

 

Why?


Some days I wonder why. Why all the violence, senseless murders, anger, fear and sociopaths filled with hate that may be the next leader of the most powerful country in the world?

What does it all mean? I think the human race, in our time, is experimenting on experiencing …

Just how bad, can or will it get before we let the light in?

They say: it is always darkest just before the Day dawneth.

I dare suspect it will grow considerably darker before humanity understands that we need to change our ways of thinking and doing on a global scale.

And then, there will be a dawn like no other but it will slip into the world so slowly and gently and with such love that it will take us a bit to realize that we’ve emerged out of one of the worst times Western Civilization has ever seen.

Hang on, it’s going to be one hell of a ride.

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Manifesting Part I – Writing a Letter to the Universe


Many moons ago, my then husband had a friend named Joanne. Joanne was one of the most interesting people I’ve ever met. My ex was half convinced she was a witch (the good kind) and with wild raven tresses that fell to her waist and piercing sky-blue eyes, she looked the part. Joanne was super cool.

She was also very new age and talked a lot about energy, bringing what you want into your life and generally working with the flow of the Universe. She had a beat-up old car that she talked to and several cats.

Once, when Joanne was visiting us (she lived in another city) she started talking about writing letters to the Universe. I asked what that was and she kindly explained it to me

Joanne knew about and was practicing “The Secret” long before someone wrote a book about it. Joanne knew how things worked.

She told me that you are able to bring anything you wish into your life, simply by manifesting it. One of the easiest ways is to write out what you want.

“I call it my letter to the Universe,” she said.

She advised that I write as though the thing that I wanted (perhaps a new career or more money) was happening in the present OR the time frame in which I wanted it to occur. Keep in mind, this was about 15+ years ago… This woman was a metaphysical trailblazer.

For example: One could write that they wanted to bring in a new career in the year 2017 but one had to write as though it has already occurred.

So…

Dear Universe,

It is the first half of 2017 and I am now settling into a wonderful new career. This new job pays me xxx $$ and I have the BEST manager. I only have to commute no further than 20 min. so I am loving sleeping in!

You get the picture.

You could bring in whatever you wanted (within reason) but you needed to be very specific. Also, she warned, be careful what you ask for as you will get it.

The idea is that thoughts are energy. The Universe is energy and is also very literal. If you say: I wish I had more money, this is what you’ll get…a wish that you had more money.

If you focus on negative things like: I am so poor! Well, then, poof!! You’re so poor.

See how this works?

I’ve tested this out many, many times in my life (usually with career moves) and I will say that about 8 times out of 10 – it’s worked. That’s pretty good odds.

The thing one needs to realize is what you WANT isn’t necessarily what you NEED. So – be careful on that. Imagine winning that million bucks and then having all of your friends and family suddenly demanding their share. People you haven’t spoken to in years suddenly crawl out of the woodwork looking for handouts. It could ruin all of your relationships and create havoc in your life.

Manifesting takes practice but it does work. When I write my letter to the Universe, I also say it out loud. Joanne insisted that it HAD to be handwritten. Joanne never saw my handwriting.

So, I neatly create a word doc and rather than type it out a hundred times, I verbalize it. Words are power. Spoken words have more energy than written ones. I have no proof of this but can only go by my personal experiences. Every thought (good or bad intention) is energy you’re releasing. If you wish to handwrite yours, by all means!

Another worthy note is that this is a working document. You can change it and update it, regularly and I advise this. Life changes, your wants and needs change with it. Also, if there are any unknown factors that suddenly come to light, make sure you change things to be realistic.

One can NOT impose their will on someone else. So, no, it’s highly unlikely you’re going to marry Johnny Depp. Sorry.

I’ll get into more techniques, later. In the meantime, give this a try.

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Change


For the most part, I adore change. I think that’s why I move around so much. For the longest time I thought it was because I’m not grounded, or lack stability. Neither are true. I just like to change things up.

From my experience, though, most are no like me. In fact, some people don’t do well with change at all. I have an older brother who finds it nearly paralyzing when it happens to him. He’s lived in the same home (rented) for over 20 years. It’s like he’s taken root there. It’s not the best place for him to be, in my opinion, but it’s familiar to him and it’s home. He started renting it before his daughter was born. She’s nearly 22-years old.

I used to think it’s older generations (Baby Boomers and Traditionalists) that abhor change; I would be incorrect. Plenty of Gen X and Gen Y folks hate it just as much.

It’s inevitable, though, isn’t it?

EveryTHING changes. At first it may even appear that it’s a bad thing – and sometimes it is…for us…but in the end, something had to give, flow wasn’t happening thus changes were made. Some, life and death changes.

Over the past year that has been substantial changes in me. I can’t say that I wasn’t moving towards this path but if I was hesitant, before, I’m solidly walking the walk, now. Some changes are outside of you but many are within. Most of my changes are taking place internally. It’s quite something to track.

I’m starting to feel life is more like a fun adventure rather than some jostling ride I’m stuck on for the next ‘x’ number of years. There were times when I wondered when I’d be able to get off, I know some that chose to do so prematurely; I don’t recommend it.

I believe once you fully grasp that you really DO design your own life and can attract all sorts of cool and good things, it becomes so much easier and rewarding. Then, change is just damn fun and you’re going to crave it.

“What next?! “ You’ll say.

Now, change doesn’t have to be drastic or uproot your entire life. It could be something quite simple like discovered a new route to work, or taking that course you’ve always wanted to. Or…attracting new and exciting people into your life that you can learn cool things from.

Every. Single. Time. I’ve lost or left a job, I’ve gone on to find something a whole lot better. Life is like that. Life WANTS you to be happy and there are tons of resources out there to help you to become what you were always meant to be. Most of the stuff I find online and that I learn from are free. It doesn’t have to cost you anything, this change…

In fact, a good old-fashioned change of direction can lead to all sorts of cool stuff – like prosperity.

I get that some changes, at first, can cause complete devastation and chaos in your life. That’s when you need to be kind to yourself and be reminded that there is a bigger picture and you’ll get there – it’s a process.

Take death of a loved one…or pet, for example. It’s a terrible thing but inevitable. We are all going to the Other Side at some point. And this brings changes and a crap-load of pain to go along with it. You’ll get through it; trust me on this one.

Bear with yourself. See it through and look for that silver lining because it’s there. It is…really. One day you may find another beautiful little animal soul who needs your love and care. The one you sent on may even help with that.

But the most difficult change you’ll ever have to do is change yourself or some major aspect of your life.

All change is difficult, at first, but in the end, a necessary part of our life adventures to fully embrace and experience all that this little world has to offer.

Remember to breathe. Find your courage and go along for the exquisite ride.

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I Believe


I believe in happy endings. Someone once said to me that relationships always ends badly –  either with someone being hurt by ending the relationship or by someone dying.

I have an answer for that and I think it’s incorrect.

If your partner chooses to leave you – I will guarantee it’s for the best and that there is something or someone BETTER waiting for you. Thus, a new beginning and not really an ending at all. Think of it as a road trip where you turned right instead of left, got lost for a bit, but found your way back onto the right path. Whew!

When we ‘die’ only our body does…so we WILL see each other again in spirit. See? Not an ending at all…just a little vacation, Earthside. It’s just that one of you went home early and the other chose to stick around for a bit before packing it in and heading back.

There are no endings. Only a continuous circle. It’s our Ego that sees things ‘ending’, not our Spirit. Let’s not confuse the two. We are eternal beings. The word eternal means: without beginning or end. We always were and always will be. We come from Source (or GOD). We are part of – belonging to and attached to Source. Think of us as cells in a body, individual but could not exist without it.

Life, here, is what you make it so you may as well make a difference while being the best human you can be. From this comes happy endings.

Remember that.

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What is this cosmic stuff you speak of?


I want to get physical with you.

As in metaphysical. In fact, bring on some downright funky, cool, cosmic shit. Are you ready? Are you sure? But please know that if you roll your eyes, sigh, shake your head or think generally negative thoughts around what I share… that’s your business.

Really. You’re entitled to your opinion and I’m entitled to share on my blog. We’ll just leave it at that.

I’m an Intuitive. Yes, with a CAP ‘I’. I hate the word psychic as it conjures (pun intended) up all sorts of silly images with gypsies hovering over a crystal ball in a dark room tell you your fortune.

I don’t do any of that.

Well…I have several crystal balls but that’s because they look pretty.

I’ve been Intuitive since I can remember but haven’t really told a whole lot of people. As you can imagine it’s a little weird. Not only that; if you’re trying to be honest and ‘share’ you often get ridiculed, laughed at, etc.

But it’s 2016, people. There are lots and lots of folks who do what I do and to be frank, we all have the ability. It’s whether or not you choose this path that makes all the difference.

One of the lovely things I get to do is communicate with Spirit, or the spirit world, if you wish. I don’t know what you want to call it and it really doesn’t matter. It’s just a name.

You know, when people pass over, they will very often go to great lengths to tell you they’re okay and they made it! They know you’re in a world of hurt and they LOVE you, so it’s only natural that they’d want you do know they are well and you know…kinda still around.

Not in the physical sense but Bob is still BOB and he’s cool with the whole afterlife thing (even if Bob didn’t believe there was one). And Bob is really upset that you’re upset! So, Bob will often try and send you signs that he’s still looking out for you, still thinking about you, still loves you and still checkin’ in.

One of the people I talk to frequently is the man I was so very in love with that took his life almost one year ago. That terrible day is fast approaching and don’t think it’s hasn’t been on my mind for the past two months.

I hear him, a lot. But to be fair, I’m somewhat of a skeptical gal so naturally I want proof. I want proof that Carrie isn’t losing her mind and hearing voices in her head because…that’s when we need to check ourselves in and have our ‘head’ examined.

So I ask: if this is really you, prove it. I need to know I’m not crazy.

I asked for something very specific. I wanted to hear a specific song on the radio that has long since worn out its popularity but occasionally, it comes on. It was one of his favourites. I waited. And I waited.

And…I waited some more and…

…nothing.

Now, whenever I really want to see a sign from him, it always happens when I’m not expecting it and this was no exception. I think it must be a cosmic rule that for the most part I have to wait until he’s darn good and ready. Or, maybe that’s just his rule?

Okay. I can do that.

So, I’m driving to work, and having my usual downtrodden thoughts of how much I put into our relationship all the while watching him pine over his ex-girlfriend and how much that hurt…blah, blah…poor little me, blah, blah.

Sometimes you just have to feel a bit sorry for yourself and then get OVER yourself. It’s a process. I’m human, after all and I struggle with what happened, every day.

Then out of the blue, as I’m in bumper to bumper traffic, I look up at the car I’m behind just as the song I’ve been waiting to play (for weeks) comes on, and I notice that on the dealer license plate, it has the name:

Brian.

Seriously.

It just doesn’t get any clearer than that. I laughed loud and wanted to do a little happy dance but traffic was moving again. 🙂 Instead I thanked him and was happy all the way to work.

Most of us have someone dear to us that we very much miss on the ‘other side’. Ask them for a sign. Be specific. Don’t think it will happen instantly (although sometimes it does!) just be ready and when it does happen – pay attention and be grateful for the communication. They LOVE it when they get through to us just as much as we love it when they send us messages…and of course, their love.

"If anyone asks, we never had this conversation."

“If anyone asks, we never had this conversation.”

Welcome to My Garden


I imagine the fey playing round in soft swirls of light; a dance among spring petals and fresh-smelling, warm earth.

Let your imagination move a little. Hell, let it FLY and soar into unknown and uncharted air waves and celestial vibrations. Stop and listen for a while. Turn off your daily thoughts of business, coffee, that meeting you’re late for and taking the kids to their soccer practices and…

Just…breathe.

One inhale and exhale at a time.

Take a little ‘me’ time and indulge your senses with playful spirits, faeries, gnomes and elves. Believe (if only for a few moments) that ANYthing is possible.

Go on. I dare ya.

 

Paint the Gardens

Dreams


We all dream whether we remember our dreams or not. Some dreams are silly and evidence of our minds re-enacting our daily worries, happenings and whatnot. They may be mundane work dreams or they may be twisted work dreams with all sorts of past jobs, managers and a piece of spacecraft debris (direct and still burning hot from outer space), thrown in…just for fun, mind you.

I tend to have the latter dreams. The ones where you wake up and think: WTF was THAT all about?!

I’ve had repetitive dreams that make me wonder if there’s a message in there, somewhere, and I’m meant to interpret it. I’ve had dreams so vivid, I’ve woken up and not remembered who I was or where I was for a split second. Then, of course, it all comes rushing back to me.

Oh, yeah…this is who I am and damn it, I gotta get my ass outta bed and get ready for work.

But for a little bit, I was someone else, living a very different life and it felt very real. I’m about to get all Vanilla Sky on you so hang on tight.

What if…we go somewhere else when we dream? And by that I mean: our souls, our essence or consciousness. What if this world is really a hologram and we’re something much bigger than we can imagine? I’m not the only one who thinks this way, so stop rolling your eyes.

Really. Stop.

I bet if I polled my readers about half of you have had reoccurring dreams (or at least one) that you’ve had for several years; maybe you even had them when you were a child and they still make a guest appearance, now and then. I bet many of you have even had precognitive dreams. You know, the ones where you dreamt something was going to happen and then “Voila!” it actually DID.

Yes, those are a bit creepy and no one likes to talk about those in public – but it’s safe in here; I won’t tell if you won’t tell.

There are tons of books about dream analysis and tons of different opinions as to what it all means. Personally, I think only WE know. The answer is within us and only us as dreams are based on our thoughts, feelings and possible alternate world adventures.

You’re doing it again. The eye rolling.

You either believe we have a soul, or you don’t. If you don’t, you may want to stop reading. In fact, you may already have. I’m going with the good possibility that we all have one and that life goes on after bodily death. That’s just my belief; you’re welcome to have your own.

Think about it, though. Think about all those bizarre dreams you’ve had in your life where you thought: “Wow, what if there is something else to this other than just random thoughts all mixed up in my head?”

Even if you’re poo-pooing this entire blog post, I know you’ve thought about it. You wouldn’t be human if you didn’t. Or, maybe you’re just really boring and have no imagination. Either way, you would have thought about it once or twice before dismissing it entirely.

I think; therefore I am.

I dream really weird dreams, therefore I am…more than I thought I was?

I could go on and on about my bizarre nighttime tales I have in my sleep, but I’m more interested in yours. How often do you dream you can fly? How many re-occurring themed dreams do you have and how often do you have them? When you do, is there something significant going on in your life that occurs after this dream?

I wonder. If we could line up all of our dreams and stick them into categorical boxes; how many dreams would be entirely unique and have a theme that no one else has? Or, would there be any?

What percentage of people have had a prophetic dream?

Can we really determine any meaning from our dreams? Do we even care to? Do your dreams affect you in any way and do you remember them well into the day?

What if this life is really the DREAM and occasionally we catch a glimpse of our real selves looking back at us?

Think on that.

i_see_you_in_my_dreams____by_musingcalliope-d6hb8pz

Hello 2016


I don’t think I’ve ever been so glad to bid an entire 12 months adios. That being proclaimed, there were some interesting, noteworthy and positive highlights that are not related to my beloved late boyfriend and all the sorrow that went along (and is still going along) with that. To say it was hard, to say it was painful only scratches the surface of a festering open and bleeding wound.

Let’s list some good things that happened in 2015 and be thankful, shall we? In no particular order:

  1. Financially, I’ve had the best year ever. So, that’s something.
  2. I survived! Truly, this was possibly the worst year of my life, but I made it. I’m broken and I think my poor heart has seen much better days, but I’m alive and healing, little by little.
  3. I’ve learned a lot about love, life and myself. I’ve come a long way from the woman who thought she was doing ‘okay’, in Jan. 2015. I now know better. I now know I’ve much more to learn and much growing to do in so many positive ways.
  4. I went to visit my best friend in Australia! It didn’t fix me; I still had my daily cry over Bri…but I had a blast, anyway! I will return and I hope she comes to visit me, soon, in Canada.
  5. Despite having kidney failure, due to the wonderful medicine (and lots and lots of LOVE), my fur baby (and best kitty friend EVER) is doing well! I’m blessed to still have him at almost 14-years.
  6. I met someone exceptionally nice and although it’s new, there is a care-factor. I have no idea if love will surface but he’s devoted and spends a lot of quality time with me. This speaks volumes. He’s never ‘too busy’ and I think if there were something that I really needed to count on him for, he’d be there.
  7. I lost friends (by choice) but I made new friends (by choice). I think I’m better off by choosing to let go of some who don’t fit inside my world and let in others who do.
  8. I’ve gone back into learning spiritual healing techniques and how have my level II traditional Japanese Reiki. I’ll also be checking out Seichem.
  9. I got better at my climbing techniques. Yes, this counts. Try it if you think it’s easy, ‘cause it’s not.
  10. I’ve committed to daily meditation and actually love it. It’s grounding, healing and helps me connect to Spirit.

Learn to just ‘be’.

Be yourself. Be happy. Be loved. Be okay with stuff. Be good. Be ready …for everything and anything, you can never know what curveballs life will throw at you. Be safe (as in, don’t be stupid). Be lovING. Be truthful and grateful.

Be the best YOU, you can be. Happy New Year.

Peace & Love. xo

i_see_you_in_my_dreams

 

Finding That Soul Connection


In the past, when I was searching the world over (okay, the Lower Mainland), for a mate, I didn’t give much thought into listening to my inner voice to see if there was a true soul connection, or not. I think I just sorta went for it and hoped for the best.

This whole experience with Brian has moved me into seeing things very differently. I’m still in the process of putting myself back together and in doing so, I’m recreating myself. I hope, a ‘better’ self. I’m redefining who I am, what I want and what it is I’m here to learn/teach, in this life.

Recently, I decided that rather than jump into a potential relationship, should one actually present itself, I would prefer to ease into it. I’m not really sure what that means, exactly, but the word ‘ease’ resonates with me. It means: the absence of difficulty or effort; it means move carefully or…gently.

I’ve met a lot of men in my life but not all of them have had a soul connection with myself. Part of it is that feeling you get when you look into someone’s eyes and think: I’m supposed to be here, with you, this very minute in time, and it’s important that I really SEE YOU for who you are. That means all the bad stuff along with the good stuff.

I’m totally down with that and it makes a whole lot of sense given the past circumstances. Although I’m more than certain Brian and I had (and still have) a soul connection, I jumped into the deep end with eyes closed. I think I had to and there are no regrets, whatsoever. That situation was a one-off and I don’t intend to repeat it. Going forward, my eyes will be wide open.

True soul connections are all around us but not exactly a dime a dozen. That being said, I’m learning how to recognize them, better. They are the ones who will let you down easy if it’s not the right situation for either of you to be in. They are the ones who actually ‘give a shit’. They are the ones who recognize you as a kindred spirit and if you needed them, would be there for you.

This is what we should endeavor to find or keep in our lives whether it be friends or partners.

Who are your soul connections?

Harmony

Mankind: Enlightenment, Technology & Survival


enlightenment

I’ve given this a lot of thought. I will say that throughout this post I’ll be ‘generalizing’ and there are lots of ‘IMO’s’ –(In my option’s) so…be forewarned.

It think it’s safe to say that we’ve gone from zero to one million KM/hour in the last 100 years (maybe less) with respect to technology. Unfortunately, the average human being in regards to spirituality/enlightenment and just plain old ‘getting along with one another’…is somewhat lacking.

If you don’t believe me, watch an episode of Honey Boo Boo or Big Brother and then come and tell me what you think of ‘us’ as intelligent beings. Then turn on the international news to see how nice we are to our fellow human beings.

‘Nuff said.

So. While we certainly have a growing group of those that are here to better the planet and all life upon it, it’s a rather smallish crowd in comparison. It’s also an interesting thing to be part of in this time period. We are systematically killing off our planet (our animals), and really taking a good stab at *pun intended* ourselves at the same time we are trying to evolve as spiritual beings and get everything back on track before it’s too late.

Quite the paradox we have going on, here, don’t ya think?

That being said, we keep developing/inventing/designing better methods to, well…BETTER ourselves. Some of us are bettering our planet, as well. I’m currently reading a magnificent 3-part blog post by Tim Urban of “Wait But Why” and it’s got me thinking. It’s got me thinking about our potential demise and our option to expand into the solar system in order to ‘preserve our human race.’

But, will we be spiritually ready for that when/if it happens? Let’s back up a little and take a look at this.

Although I don’t share Elon Musk’s view that our bodies are really hardware and our consciousness is software, I don’t think this is too far from the truth. Now…bear with me because this is my ‘cosmic girl’ beliefs and you may not share them.

Think Matrix, but not quite.

There are actual honest-to-God living scientists who think our Universe might be a computer program. Or, if that doesn’t bend your brain, enough, it could also be a hologram or a black hole. Evidently there are ways to look into this.

So, if that’s the case and if you believe (as I do) that we are really much more advanced spiritual beings (Souls) in the guise of human bodies… who come here into the physical world to ‘experience/grow/learn, etc. (stuff we can’t do to the same degree back at home in the Spirit Realm) then Elon is on to something.

If you’ve never heard of this guy, here’s a quick run down on who this Elon Musk dude is. He’s one fascinating man and it seems he’s genuine in his wish to better the planet and it’s inhabitants. Yes, he’s filthy rich and not a Saint, but hey…he’s human just like the rest of us.

Elon is working on a wide range of super cool and wonderful things from awesome electric cars (Tesla), solar power (Solarcity) to… SpaceX. Yes, he’s also the dude who wants us to colonize Mars and if you read through the entire blogs posts, Tim does have a point on why such a thing is necessary. It really is very logical and seeing that Elon is winning at everything he does (even when the odds are stacked against him and it seems like he’s completely run out of ALL options).

Either he’s an absolute genius, or he’s the luckiest human being, EVER. I’m going with option (a).

So, you may sit back and have a laugh at the Mars colonization concept, but it’s completely doable. At least if Elon is in charge as it’s simply statistics. Chances are that he’ll succeed at some point.

Now, here’s the thing and this is what I’m getting into.

Are we ready?

Just look at all the shit we’re doing, here! What’s to stop us from taking all of our Earth-crap with us to Mars? I mean, he’s thinking a million people ought to do it. How much trouble can a million people get up to all by themselves, 225.3 million KM away from Mom and Dad?

I’m thinking, a LOT!

Assume we not only survive, but thrive, there – would we change our ways? There’s not much to destroy on Mars (at least not yet but I understand it’s possible to terraform given enough time, effort and know-how) so 1 million people in habitats possibly not all getting along could cause a few…issues.

Also, there’s that whole close confinement thing. With all the open space on earth, things to do, places to go, etc. we STILL can’t behave ourselves.

Elon’s theory is that we need to ensure the survival of the human race and as it so happens, we’re well on our way to annihilating it, instead. You may think I’m exaggerating, but if you look at all the data available, I may not be too far from the truth.

My question is: even if we save of our physical selves by expanding outwards, how do we safeguard the survival of our soul-selves by expanding inwards if we’re simply not there, yet?

What is preventing us from simply destroying ourselves all over again, only quicker? What happens if our fellow humans on Mars (now actually Martians) want to war with Earth, at some point, over resources? I’m surmising, here, and of course this would be way into the future, but anything is possible if we don’t evolve as people, first, before we attempt guarantee our survival.

We seem to find endless things to squabble about but not enough things to bring us all together as a team. I’m hoping that the growing number of people trying to better ‘us’ will start to pick up the pace, a little, so that we’ve actually got a stab at sticking around for the long term.

Mankind really is amazing in the big picture, so it would be a shame if we didn’t.

Because of free will, no one can really predict the future. Real life isn’t a Hollywood Drama so we may not save ourselves at the last second. But if we did, would we repeat ourselves, endlessly?

I’m an optimistic person. I have HOPE. I’m not alone in this and it’s an extremely powerful emotion. If I were a betting woman, I’d say the odds are 50/50 as to how this will play out at this very moment.

I’m hoping this will change and as we push outwards to the final frontier, we also look within to our core being and really take a good look at who we are becoming as a species.