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Money and Happiness Are Not Synonymous
When we picture money in our lives (especially a windfall) we feel all giddy about what we can get for ourselves, what adventures we can afford and all of the potential GOOD we can do with it.
So it stands to reason that having money = happiness, right?
No. In fact, although money is an essential means of existence and to ‘not’ have it can and does cause unhappiness…it’s not money in itself that creates happiness or negates it.
Let’s be clear. Money is nothing but a medium of ‘exchange’ …and most of it isn’t even tangible, anymore, it’s digital. So we have a digital form of energy that is a medium of exchange for goods and services.
Think about it. What’s the history of money, anyway? While no one is completely certain, we do know that around 5000 BC, people were exchanging pieces of metal for goods and services. At around 700 BC, the Lydians (an Iron Age kingdom of western Asia Minor) were using coins.
Before that, we bartered and traded: you give me 10 apples and I’ll give you 2 bags of rice. If I didn’t need the apples but wanted meat, instead, I took those apples to someone who was ‘selling’ meat and traded the apples for some of that.
So, were we all unhappy prior to using money?? NO! Of course not.
That said, our planet, today, is completely obsessed with it. That is because most believe that money also = power. To some degree, it does…but that would really depend on how you measure power and what it means to you.
Are you powerful if you are in control of your own life and are able to manifest your own happiness without the aid of anyone but yourself? Are you powerful if you allow yourself to do what you LOVE and be who you really are rather than conform?
Or, are you powerful because you have a lot of money?
These are great questions and I don’t think I can address them in just one blog post!
That said, we all have our own truth and if you believe that you can’t be powerful without money, I tell you to look at people such as: Gandi, Mother Theresa and the Dalai Lama.
“But!” you yell… “Look at all those rich and powerful people …!” as you go along to list a bunch of people WITH money AND power and suggest that this is truly the magical formula.
Yet…are they happy people? I could argue that and I suspect some of them truly are. It doesn’t mean that they are happy because they have lots of money.
Was Gandi happy? I’m going to say that he was.
The thing is – money is not happiness and happiness is not money. They can be found together or apart – kinda like chocolate and peanut butter; some find them delicious together while others (maybe you’re allergic to peanuts) find it devastating.
So there you go. You CAN be happy with or without money. It’s not a necessary ingredient as happiness is really an individual and exclusive thing and it is not a byproduct of having ‘stuff’ or having certain people in your life. I know people who have taken their lives because they didn’t have that one person with them, anymore, but when I asked if they were ‘happy’ when this person was with them….they said ‘no’, ultimately not.
You and only you are responsible for your happiness and no amount of cash, beautiful people or other outside influences will create happiness within YOU.
They can be influential and they can contribute but ultimately it’s up to your own conscious being to decide whether or not you will be or are, ultimately, happy.
‘Tis the Season
Every December, I marvel at how on earth it got to be ‘December’ so quickly. Suddenly Christmas is sneaking up on us and then, another New Year. As busy adults, the years fly by at a reckless pace.
At least, it seems that way. We prioritize, summarize, organize and generalize. It can be the same story every year at this time but does it have to be? It used to be for me; I’d race through December tripping over myself and come barreling through into the next year; ready or not, there I’d go!
This year is different. I’m giving myself space and permission to just be in the moment and doing whatever I can to incorporate healing from within, during this busy time. I’m thinking a lot about my worries: an elderly mother with cancer, a sibling with addictions and unemployment, and of course, remembering Brian (he’d have turned 49 on Dec. 23rd…the same age I was when we met). I’m giving extra care to my current partner and we’ve not only solidified our relationship by purchasing a home, together, but we’ve brought a new pet into our lives.
Where there were three, now there are four. We feel more complete.
This year feels different and slower than usual. In fact, it feels more normal, as in, this is how it should be, not some race to an imaginary finish line.
I remember when I was a kid and had such mixed emotions about Christmas. I’d be excited about presents and family gatherings at my Grandparents home, around the corner from where we lived. Then I’d be worried sick that my father would get drunk and Mr. Hide would show up, turning an otherwise fun event into something dark, angry, embarrassing and sad.
Now, Christmas is about sharing, giving, expressing, feeling and letting go. It’s friends and family, being kind to strangers and remembering to listen to our hearts rather than race around inside our heads.
Let’s take a moment and remember who we are and why we’re here. Before this year is over, let’s be grateful for everything – good and bad, blissful and painful. Remember, you’ve learned from everything.
I ask this of you: for the next two weeks live in your heart and higher self. Be generous, warm and kind. We all live many lives but we only have ONE experience of THIS life.
Make it a good one.
A beautiful Holiday Season to all. Let 2018 in with love, grace and joy.
There’s been a lot of writing, lately about calling ourselves this and that – of lives that matter, the privilege of being White and of course, racism. While all of these are real and human and sometimes ugly, I’d like to look at things a little differently. I’d like for us to remember who we really are.
Who/what – we really are, past our human Ego, past our human bodies and beyond this 3D seemingly solid world we live on.
Let’s take a step back.
We’re not gay or straight or black or white or brown or red. We’re bodies and we all have one. We’re not bi or male, transgender or female, we’re human beings. We were all made in the same way.
We’re not Christian or Muslim. We’re not American or Chinese, Italian or Australian. We’re Earthlings. This is the place we call home, the ONLY place these bodies come from.
Let’s take a step back.
We are souls. We are choosing to have a human experience. We’re here to learn and grow, about everything. Every. Thing.
We are not individuals; there is no US or THEM. We are connected to each and every single life form and then we’re connected to this planet, and of course, each other. We are all part of this little world and if we kill it, our bodies die with it. Why would we cut off our own legs in spite of our arms ? Because, this is what we are doing.
Let’s take a step back.
We are energy. We are all part a Universe and beyond, that, which is all made up of nothing but Energy. Some call this Source. Many call it GOD.
Let’s take a step back.
You are me and I am you. We are all one thing; we are all ONE. Why are you despising YOU? Why are we pointing fingers that, in actuality, are at ourselves? Think about that. Really, THINK. We’re all ONE, take your ears and eyes and beliefs away and what do you have? We have humanity, we have a consciousness, we have an energy being that’s part of all the other energy that’s around us. Part. Of. Not separate.
Let’s take a step back and shed the labels of you’re this and I’m that. Let’s go beyond a body, a faith, a sex, a country, a colour, a belief and this world. Let us see ourselves; see YOURself …for the first time.
Moving in the Right Direction
So, I’ve decided to add to my education and take a counselling course that is offered by the same College as where I did my Life Coaching. It would allow me to get a diploma in Life Coaching – adding to the certificate that I already have.
Also, just as a dentist needs to see another dentist (every 6 months or so…) so does a Medium need to seek out other Mediums. It’s always good to get another’s perspective on things that our Ego can get in the way of. I have one that’s fantastic and we’re good friends, too.
It was suggested that I merge my Life Coaching with my Intuitive practice rather than offer them separately so…
I’m going to do just that but I’m deciding on the packaging and packages that make the most sense to someone that would like to engage with a Life Coach and receive intuitive counselling at the same time.
Thoughts? I’m all ears (and eyeballs).
In light of all the bad stuff going (and OH, there’s a lot!).
World Suicide Prevention Day
I think it no coincidence that today is the day I end up taking Brian’s ashes to scatter them on a beach he played on, as a child. I was supposed to go, last week, but seeing as it was the Saturday before the last long weekend before School is back in, my sister and I thought better of it. Long and busy ferry lineups are not our thing.
I didn’t even clue in that we’d re-worked our plans for THIS day. There are no coincidences…this was meant to be.
I miss him. Every day, I miss him.
For new readers, my late boyfriend, Brian, took his life on May 11th, 2015. It is a day that I’ll never forget and one that changed me for the remainder of this life.
Every blog post I read about those who have lost someone that they love, to suicide, tells a similar story. Gut wrenching pain and all too stupid and insensitive comments; platitudes that are tossed out there to us like left over scraps thrown towards a starving street dog.
I’ve heard it all and if you’ve gone through it, so have you.
Mental illness is not treated like other diseases and can you imagine if someone came up to you and said: “Well that was very selfish of him to die of cancer that way!”
That’s the trash we get from friends, family, people who should know better as well as strangers.
One of my all time favourites: “Why aren’t you over it, yet?”
They don’t know any better. We’ve been taught to be uncomfortable around the word: SUICIDE. Why? Because, in our culture, it’s an unacceptable way to die. We’re not supposed to choose to leave on our own. If we spoke about this out in the open, discussed it with our children and loved ones, early on, so it wasn’t a taboo and unholy subject, I believe less people would die.
For those who are battling depression, anxiety and have ever thought of taking their life or who have attempted it, ignorance and societal judgments, as well as, misunderstandings are just the norm. It’s sad and it makes everything SO much worse and I dare say contributes to the rising rate of suicide and suicide attempts.
Those that are so desperate to end their emotional pain that they are willing to end their lives are treated like criminals and outcasts, and that is the worst crime of all.
Let me share this: what suicide attempt survivors wish you to know.
I’ve met others who’ve had a brush with suicidal thoughts; it’s far more common than you think. I know a suicide attempt survivor who is a good friend of mine. One thing that was said was: “thoughts of ending your life never leave you, they are always at the back of your mind. I’d decided that if I ever needed to attempt it, again, that this time I was going to get it right.”
Brian’s story isn’t new. His isn’t unique although his reasons and pain are unique to HIM. How many other people out there are suffering in silence, afraid to ask for help because we criminalize their pain, lock them up like a common killer, and take away every shred of their dignity and all of the things that make them feel human and provide a sense of belonging?
We can do a better job and we have to. In a future blog post I’ll describe the initial PAU (psychiatric assessment unit) that Brian was put into. I will say, now, that it was frightening and he was very scared. I would be too. I’m sure there is a way to fund some sort of community temporary home that allows safe personal items as well as protects people from themselves in a more loving environment. I strongly suspect that family would be willing to help. I would have been.
One issue that is brought to our attention is that our youth are greatly at risk. One in 5 teens have considered suicide, last year according to this article.
In, Five, teenagers…children, for God’s sake.
What is it going to take for us to be comfortable to talk about this in the open? When are we going to let suicide out of it’s closet, because it’s bloody well banging on the door.
Take your religion out of the picture. Take your presumptuous thoughts and set them aside. IT COULD HAPPEN TO YOU. It could be your best friend, your spouse, your daughter or your dad. It could be your uncle, your cousin, someone you work with, someone you go to school or the gym with. You could save a life. We could all saves lives if we brought this out into the open and just talked about it.
It could be you. You need to know that it’s safe to talk about.
So, let’s do it. Right here. Open up the door and let it out because if you don’t, it could destroy you.
My goal is to help, to council and to coach. My path is to assist in your healing and guide you to your next steps on your journey. Remember, your soul wants to be here. You chose to be here and everyone has everything to live for.
; None of our life stories are over, yet.
Thieves Steal $70,000 Worth of Bull Semen
Things you just don’t read about, every day… Great post.
A Feel Good Story
Relationships are hard…
Well, they can be challenging and for the most part they are a work in progress. I truly believe if two good people are a ‘real’ match, wonderful things can be accomplished – long lasting things that can span over a great number of years.
Let me give you an extremely sweet example.
My mother had her first official boyfriend at the tender age of 15. It was an innocent time and back in those days (also back in Denmark) 15-year old’s behaved themselves (more or less). It was a true time of sweetness, good clean fun, adventures and friendship.
Her boyfriend at the time, was also 15. A young good-looking strapping lad that was all googly-eyed over the gorgeous and curvaceous, young, blonde bombshell. I’ve seen her pics, I really don’t blame him; she was really hot stuff.
As luck would have it, their love bloomed but was short-lived. My Grandfather had always loved Canada and the young family (my mom, grandparents and aunt) moved to Oakville Ontario. For those of you who don’t want to run to Google Maps. Denmark and Canada are a a hell of a long way away.
Now, keep I mind, this is 1951. There were two main ways to communicate: telephone and mail. I’m going to assume that there were a few letters written back and forth between the lovelorn 15-year old’s from across the Atlantic, but in the end – it was an end of a beautiful beginning.
As it turns out, no!
Sixty some odd years later, after my step-father had passed away, my mother gets the idea that she should look up her old beau on the internet. Or… ‘on the computer’ as she puts it. And, she’s in luck!! Her very first boyfriend is also a widower.
Long story short, the two hit it off, again, immediately. It was as if the years simply melted away. Before they knew it, they were Skyping, once a week. Then Leif decided it was time for a visit.
Off he flew to Canada and the two of them went on a romantic holiday to Maui, for about 3-weeks. I’m told this is where they fell in love….(again).
After several months, he returned to Denmark. Life went on…but not before the pair decided to get together, again. And this time, for much longer.
He’s currently staying in Canada for as long as he can (6 months). Then they’re jetting off to Denmark for another three.
I have to say, I’ve met him, he’s adorable and the two are inseparable!
If a couple of 79-year old’s can make it work after living almost one whole complete life, apart, then I have hope.
I have confidence that I too, can/will make it work out. I’m really hoping it’s with the current boy that I adore, but if it isn’t, I’m convinced there is the right someone out there for all of us.
Not that I want to wait until my 70’s, mind you. But still…cutest love story, EVER.
A Poem for the Weary
I can’t remember when I wrote this or where it came from, but for all those who have ever felt a little ‘broken’ in spirit.
This is for you:
Celia ate her words
smearing her lips with pretty prose
that stole the only smile she had left
and had quite forgotten about…
Her tears were borrowed, somewhere deep in the past
not intended for public viewing
eyes that had forgotten how to cry
welled up with leftover daydreams instead.
Life that could have,
dreams that should have….
She was broken,
egg shells crushed quite beyond
any hope of royal repair, Celia could not
put any life back together again.
HAPPY APRIL FOOLS’ DAY!
This is HILARIOUS! And, worth a re-blog.
“Who told you that, an Irish person?!” LOL!
Today I’m Not the Same Girl As I Was, Yesterday
I’ve been toying around with an interesting concept for a few years, now. It’s the idea that you are a new person, every day. In essence, the person you woke up as, today, is not the person you were, yesterday.
Now, stick with me because it’s a bit to get your head around, but once I’m done – you’ll get it and it will all make sense. Physically/chemically/spiritually – we are changing every moment. Every time you take in a new breath of air, it’s not the same exact air that you breathed, the last time you took a breath.
Your brain is constantly firing off little pulses of energy that create thoughts every single second. They may be similar thoughts, but they’re not the exact same thoughts as we know, we cannot go back into the past. We ‘live’ in the moment, even if our hearts and minds think we should stay in the past or leap forward into a possible future. Both are impossible.
What we’re doing when we choose to live in our pasts (dwell there, constantly) is like going through a massive filing cabinet and sorting through all of the files, there, over and over, again. Try it. Get up right now and go to where you keep your ‘files’ and look through them. You know that as soon as you walk away, they’ll still be there…they’re not going anywhere unless you want them to (or by chance, they are destroyed).
These are our memories. We sort through them, all the time – filing them away in our ‘head’ and shoving bits of useful and useless information into random folders. I think we all remember everything, but there are so many folders, so much to sort through, (and let’s face it, our heads are not always that organized!) that we think we can’t remember things/events/names/faces …etc. It’s called forgetting. Think of it as having randomly shoved a piece of paper with a list of Christmas present ideas …but into the file labeled ‘2003 Taxes’. You’d never think to look there, would ya?!
Right at this very moment, as I type away and create this blog post, I’m creating new memories, experiencing new experiences and filing them away as I do it. I’m literally becoming something new with all of these NEW thoughts.
Are you still with me?
I’m not the same person I was 5 min, ago, because I’ve just created a whole new set of memories – and even though they’re not terribly significant, they are still NEW. That’s not to say that we don’t feel like we’re repeating ourselves…often we do similar things and live through similar experiences, over and over again.
But, do we have to?
As conscious beings, I think we can choose to ‘not’ repeat or feel like we are repeating, ourselves. If only we simply take a moment to realize just what’s going on, we can shift at any given time. We can shift our thought patterns, shift our beliefs and become something different than what we were, someone better.
We are creatures that learn. We are creatures that grow and change. We can start over and do things right, the second time, if we wish it.
Today I’m not the same girl as I was, yesterday. And every single day when upon waking, I will choose to be better than I was.
Thar Be Vikings!
I’m an avid fan of Vikings but no only because of the raiding, blood, gore and all in all violence (violins for those of you that get the joke) – but because there is a) historical reference to actual REAL people in this series and b) I’m kinda half Viking, myself.
My mother is Danish (immigrated to Canada when she was 15-years old). I’m just certain that somewhere back in my ancestry of Scandinavian heritage that there must be some Vikings in there.
For historical and factual reference – a Viking isn’t someone who lived back in ‘those’ days and was from Scandinavia. No. A true VIKING was an explorer (more or less…). The Norsemen were quite the culture with all of their fierce Gods, their (warrior’s idea of heaven) Valhalla, and their fondness for mead.
They were settlers, farmers, explorers, (they ended up in Newfoundland!) pillagers and they were damn good at what they did! Also, it’s rumoured that they were much bigger and taller than the poor Englishmen whom they “visited” a lot.
To be sure, my heritage has always fascinated me; watching ‘Vikings’ helps satiate some of that yearning to better understand my ancestors. Did you know that Bjorn Ironside was a real live historical person?
So! Imagine my surprise when I was waiting for the Sky Train to take me to downtown Vancouver, yesterday…when I saw…
Adventures in Online Dating: E for Effort
Just gotta love this… (lol).
I understand that part of dating – and especially online dating – is presenting yourself in a light that makes you attractive to the person of your desire. Obviously, in light of being single, I don’t do very well at that myself; but do consider the following exchange:
Woman: “So, what do you mean by cosmology? Stuff like the moon, mars, and the sun, right?”
Secretgeek: “Cosmology is the study of the universe’s origin, evolution, nature, and eventual end.”
Woman: “Yes that is very interesting indeed, though I don’t think we can ever predict the future of the planets, considering it is all random chance that the earth came to be from gasses and water and rock due to specific temperatures and pressure.”
Well she tried, right?
At least she did not confuse the subject with astrology…
Some people pop into your life for a little while…others, a life time.
This is for those that have left their indelible mark.
You make it effortless
dreams that dig deep into every heart of
endless possibilities, potentials of
every achievement and –
every time you speak…
I want to listen.
You make it happen.
synergies tripping across sympatico with optimal
performance that translates
into multiple epiphanies
multiplying positive outcomes
You breathe serendipity.
You make a difference.
collecting the very best of every thought
weaving through energy, translating ideas –
a captivating collage that
captures true spirit and produces results,
You inspire me…
to be better.
Couple Steals $9,000 worth of Panties
This is too funny! Also…an interesting fetish; I wonder what they intended to do with all of those undies…
Good post, cheered me up.
“The lack of confidence in oneself and one’s abilities.”
We all have it, to some degree. Some, much more than others. While I can’t speak for everyone, I can speak for myself and write about the daily challenges this little monkey on my back gifts me. This post will be keeping in the same theme as those two emotions that we have and deal with, constantly: Love and Fear.
Self-doubt, obviously, is birthed from Fear. And damn it, it’s a clingy little bugger…always popping up when you think everything is going along just fine and then climbing into your lap to ask for cuddles.
“Really. Cuddle me, damn it.”
Self-doubt is sneaky because it pretends it’s your friend by asking leading questions:
“Hey there, do you really think that was a good idea? Just sayin’. Nice lap, btw, it’s comfortable here.”
“Don’t think you should have done that, you should really worry because something bad is now going to happen. Just thinking of your best interest, here…maybe you should try and take it back or…fix it somehow? Seriously love snuggling with ya! I could stay here all day.”
“Do you really want to go there? Probably not, because it could lead to complete disaster. While I’m here getting all cozy, let’s talk about all the different types of disaster there could be…”
But today, I annihilated Self-Doubt! Yup. I killed it. It’s dead, dead, dead!
Perhaps it’s mostly dead. And as we all know, there is only one thing to do with it if it were clearly ALL dead:
Go through its pockets and look for loose change.
I’ve gotten tired of the fear-based emotions in my old’ish age and, quite frankly, I’m starting to not care about them, so much.
Sorry, Fear, bad news – I’m breaking up with you. No, we can’t talk about it, we’re done until I really need you for something worthy. Like, for instance, a life or death situation. Then, you’re welcome to jump right back in my life because then, I’ll actually need you.
What? I’m being selfish?? You bet, baby. You’re my Fear-buddy. Kinda like a Fuck-buddy but without the sex. I call, you come running. Until then, stay away. Get it? Good.
Self-doubt is Fear’s child. I’m quite certain of it and like any good parent, they’d be rather protective of their offspring. To put into better words without all the fluffy metaphors:
We can choose to rid ourselves of self-doubt. It’s not easy but with a little self-talk and acknowledgment that we are in control, not our runaway feelings, it can be done. You can leave your lack of confidence in the dust and opt out for much kinder (and prettier) friends such as: Confidence, Trust and Belief.
Have confidence that you’re more than capable of making the right choices, and surprisingly – you will.
Trust yourself. Trust that YOU know what’s best for you. After all, who knows you better than you do?
Believe in yourself. If you don’t, no one else will.
Today I put myself out there –BIG time. I fessed up some pretty deep feelings. But, you know, I’m okay with it. I did the right thing. I did the right thing for me and I wasn’t afraid to be ME. Oh sure…after I hit that forbidden ‘send’ icon, I had a little moment of panic…but it ended quickly.
I’m glad I did it. I wouldn’t take it back for the world. I’m okay with my decision and I’ll live with whatever comes of it.
Go fuck yourself.
“How do you inspire your significant other?”
A great post, Brian, and well worthy of a read.
This was a recent question posted on Quora.com .
This was my answer:
There’s a quote I saw a while back that seems like a good way to start this answer:
Never Forget, there are three types of people in your life:
1. Those who helped you in your difficult times
2. Those who left you in your difficult times
3. Those who put you in your difficult times
When we’re in a relationship, we’re in a team. Or, put another way, we’re now members of a very small gang.Where once there were two separate people, now there is one unit, which contains two people. Like any good gang, our job is have the back of our fellow gang member. Hmm. I see this rapidly deteriorating into street fights with lead pipes, neck tattoos, and prison time at Pelican Bay, so perhaps we should break from the analogy now.
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The Divergence of Our Feelings
I was having an interesting conversation, the other day, with ‘that boy whom I’m totally smitten with’. We were talking about money; specifically, the conversation was around finances and investments.
He told me that people react much more strongly (in a negative way) when they lose on an investment than they do in a positive way – when they gain.
I thought about this for a few seconds and then realized that people do this for pretty much everything. What I mean is: our negative reactions to something that happens to us seem to be greater than and have more weight than the positive reactions we have towards something that happens to us.
To backtrack just a bit, I am thoroughly convinced we are in charge of our own emotions. This means that I believe we are able to choose ‘how we feel’ and ‘to what capacity we decide to feel it’. I’m not saying this is easy, far from it. In fact, it’s much simpler just to let our emotions get away with us and do what they want. It’s also much wiser to know ‘you’ are always and forever in control of YOU.
How many times have we endlessly stressed out and worried ourselves (sometimes sick) over shit that is not in our control? I would say – countless. Did it do any good? I will honestly confess that not once was I happy or glad about the experiences I’ve had (and far too many sleepless nights) needlessly worrying about stuff I had no control over.
Where is she going with this…? You may ask.
Let me ask you a basic question: Which feeling would you want to experience with the most intensity, love or fear?
I’m going to go out on a limb here and say that EVERYone will say: Well, Love, of course!!
Bearing in mind that there are really only two basic emotions (Love and Fear) and everything else branches out from those two. For example: I invest $1000 into a stock and in a few years I have a 20% gain on my investment; this would elicit a happy response. Now if the following year, I lost 30% on this investment, I’d (in theory) be extremely upset and would feel this emotion more strongly than the happy response I’d get from the gain.
I don’t think that we feel fear any greater than we feel love. In fact, I think we are capable of experiencing them in equal measures. Why then, do we choose to feel a fear-based emotion much stronger than a love-based one?
Let’s look at another example: My reaction to falling in love with someone would not be experienced as greatly as when someone I loved ended the relationship.
Falling in love is fantastic! You all know it is; it’s amazing, dreamy and blissful. But when that is taken away from us… (ah, now we’re starting to make sense) our reaction is much stronger.
We’ve all been there.
It’s like comparing a birth to a death. The birth of a new child is great! The death of one is beyond terrible.
See what I’m getting at? Are ya still with me?
It could very well be that losing that love-based feeling of euphoria is far worse than gaining it. At least, that is how we seem to choose to experience it. We allow fear to rule us, some of us more than others. I’ll give you, yet, another example, because we ALL do it.
I’m in a new relationship. Instead of simply enjoying the experience of getting to know this wonderful man and living in the moment of all of the positive and fun times we’ve had together over the past month…I worry about stupid stuff. Stuff that has nothing to do with him. It’s my fear, fear of rejection, fear of not being understood, and fear of not being good enough. I could go on and on.
And he’s doing it, too! At least to some degree. His fears are not the same as mine and are based on his own experiences but the result is the same. We are both being affected by that one emotion more than the emotions that really count. The love-based emotions.
People decide to experience one emotion over the other and I really think we all do it. Perhaps it’s because we covet the love-based emotion so much that we lose sight of it, entirely, whilst trying to protect it and keep it for as long as we can.
What if we just let go? What if we consciously decide to live in our moments and experience the positive more intensely than we do the negative? What if we decided to stop worrying about things that we cannot control and focus on positively putting effort into the things that we can?
I daresay…the human race would be a much happier bunch.
So I challenge you to start. Start being happy in the ‘now’ and enjoy that happiness to the ultimate fullest. When it’s over and something negative takes its place, do whatever you can to ‘feel’ it but with less intensity.
Don’t listen to him. All of the emotions that we have in any given moment, pass and are gone like a fart in a windstorm. They pass and are replaced by another. It could be similar or completely opposite. It doesn’t matter, we move on. Sometimes it seems they circle ’round, but rest assured that they are different because you’re living in a different moment, it’s called the present. Never confuse it with the past or future. Your past is that fart in that windstorm and the future is unwritten.
Although I have a long way to go, I’m getting better at this. I no longer worry so much about money. I know full well how to bring more of it into my life. To worry about it is pointless. To focus on how/what/when I will accomplish this in the love-based emotion is profoundly better. And it works!
If tomorrow I suddenly found myself single, again? Yeah, I’d have a tougher time dealing with that, but I do know the feeling of sadness will, too, pass. It always has before and all it would mean is that I would have to start from square one, again. Albeit I’d take some wonderful memories and awesome things I’ve, thus far, learned, with me on my life journey. Yet, I remain positive! This is just an example. Really, things are going well.
So! This is what I will choose to do, going forward. I am going to do my best to choose to enjoy the incredible love-based emotions more fully and relish in them in my day-to-day life.
Not because I fear that they will go away as it’s pointless to do so. But because I know I’ll be happier immersing myself in ‘happy thoughts’ rather than dwelling on unhappy ones.
Which emotion will you choose to focus on, today?
When Your Day Starts To Slide Sideways
Remember the movie “Sideways”? If you’re a wine enthusiast and a writer, it’s an absolute must see.
The story is about Miles (played by Paul Giamatti) and his buddy, Jack. Miles is a struggling writer (totally can relate, there!) and also a wine enthusiast (yup…I too partake from time-to-time). Miles sets off with Jack, a has-been actor (Thomas Haden Church), who is engaged to be married. They head off on a trip into California Wine County to do some last ditch ‘guy-bonding’.
Jack, (that bastard!) is looking for one last fling before he ties the knot (or gets locked to a ball and chain, depending on how you look at it).
Well…Jack is successful (sort of…) and Miles hooks up with a woman, as well. But. the whole trip turns into a debacle/gong-show-of-a-nightmare and quite quickly goes sideways. The outcome, however, and last scene of the movie is…encouraging.
My point, you ask?
My day started out okay. For the first time in many sleepless nights, I slept, pretty well! Now, this may or may not have to do with a long and pleasant phone conversation with that ‘boy I totally adore’. It’s difficult to say, but let’s be positive and say that it was. 🙂
I arrive at work and begin my busy day in a flurry of emails and think on which clients I need to call and follow up with.
It all goes to shit in a leather handbag.
Without getting into gobs of detail about my job…let’s just say that there was an unhappy client who filled out a certain survey and gave us (ME) a very shitty score. The fact that his discontent and emotional turmoil is based on what happened BEFORE I ever e’ffing worked for this company, isn’t taken into consideration. At least…not really because the score is in and, quite frankly, I look like I’m not doing my job.
I know these are (mostly) issues that have already been dealt with by me – because, of course, I called him to find out who pissed in his cornflakes and why he suddenly hates me. Turns out he really doesn’t hate ‘me’ per se, but felt the need to vent, anyway. I get it – but maybe let me know you’re (Still) unhappy about stuff that went on 1.5 years ago, prior to me working for the company… before I get thrown into oncoming traffic.
I’ve more or less sorted it out and spent 20 min. tripping over myself apologizing…
I was STUPID enough to reply to the original email from HQ (with everyone who is anyone CC’d into it) with a question asking why this person was NOT included on our original call list. Because, gee…that would have been helpful, no? One of my problems is that if I encounter an unpleasant thing before I hardly get my coat off at work…I get a little stress(y) and my emotions override my logic. My bad; shoulda laid low and kept my fingers away from the keyboard.
But I didn’t. Oh well. Then I find out there was ‘another’ list that he WAS on but it wasn’t sent to me in time to do anything about it as he’s already filled out the damn survey. Moot (not mute) point.
So! Everyone who is anyone (and this includes the President of the company, the VP of Sales, my boss’s boss AND my boss)…are now involved. Not only that, every one of them feels the need to respond (some rather unpleasantly) to my inquiry – even though they are all clearly CC’d into ALL the other responses (from the ‘everyone who is anyone’ list).
Yup. It’s 11 am and it sucks to be me. I’m kinda surprised no one has called up to yell at me.
That all being said, there is a silver lining.
Today is only one day. It will be over at some point and people (including those on that ‘everyone who is anyone’ list) will forget about it and move on. I DID get four perfect 10’s from other customers (I’d kiss them if I could), so really…I’m up, three (and climbing). Does this count? I think so.
Also, if I’m lucky, I may get to see that ‘boy I adore’, this evening. And knowing that… makes this shitty day all the worthwhile. Even if I don’t see him, I know I’m in his thoughts and that’s enough for me.
The sun will always return after a shit-storm, my friends, you just have to seek cover and wait it out.
Currently, I’m hiding under my desk…
Peace and Love.
I’m Back, Baby!
Recently, I met someone who has a friggin’ awesome blog. He writes extremely well and gosh, darnit all anyway, I got rather inspired. I also remembered that once upon a time, I had a WordPress blog and quite a few followers. So I said to myself:
Self…?’ You should re-start your blog and try this again. Well, I went to sign up, put my old ‘fragmentedpoet’ name in and…hey! It still exists! But crappity-crap, all my cool stuff is gone. 😦 Oh wait, holy miracles, Batman! They are still here… all this time and I never knew
Well here goes a re-introduction!
I’m a wannabe writing, amateur photographer and software sales gal; the last one pays the bills and puts food on the table. I’ve been writing since I could and before that, I used to ‘pretend’ to write in my little girl books with crayons, pens and whatever I could get my hands on when no one was looking. My sentences looked like long squiggly worms tied into several knots that would make any sailor envious. But at the time I was certain they resembled grown-up handwriting; I quite proud of my efforts. My mother, on the other hand, wasn’t so impressed.
At least I wasn’t writing on the walls, mom!
Well OK, there may have been a few instances of that but after several beatings with the massive, black shoehorn that hung, threateningly, on the wall by the kitchen fridge, I was cured of that bad habit, forever.
The point is, I loved to make up stories. Later on when I learned how to read (this turned out to be a HUGE help with my attempted writing skills) I developed an interest in …let’s just say ‘interesting’ things. Pretty much anything to do with the paranormal sucked me in like a Hoover on steroids. A few years later, everything UFO and science fiction-related, also got pulled into that head of mine. These two main interests spun and twirled around my brain for decades. In fact, they’re still going at it.
So, is it coincidence that I’ve been writing two very different manuscripts at the same time where one is Sci-Fi based and the other is paranormal? No! I think it was always going to happen. Now I just have to finish them before I die, some day…
I’m working on it.
It’s good to blog again. It’s an interesting sense of release and flow of my bizarre little mind.
So welcome. Welcome to my little world of poetic nuances, feisty rants, interesting thoughts/ideas and all of the little bits of strange ideas that dance around in my head. It’s a little weird inside here but it’s safe.
Hang on tight, stayed tuned and don’t touch that dial.
I’ll be back…same Bat time, same Bat channel.
I can’t help but be awe-inspired at our human capacity to completely do something ridiculously stupid, then, wonder how on earth and WHY, things fell apart.
Really. Sometimes we are just that dumb.
And it gets better. Then we feel terribly sorry for ourselves, blaming everyone else around us for ‘our’ really bad choices. Suddenly WE are the victims. Yet in our mind’s eye, we know full well that everything that we are going through was caused by ourselves and our inability to:
Pause and think before we act.
Listen to our inner selves and not our wanton impulses.
We are all still such children but the sandbox we play in is a hell of a lot bigger and the consequences lasting.
What choices will YOU make, today and are you ready to deal with it?
The Secret’s Out
Wow…my poor wee blog has been gathering dust, I see. Shame on me. So – here’s what I think. Now pay attention because this works, has worked for me, has worked for tons of others and can work for you, too. You all know about The SECRET. That not-so-secret method of attracting positive energy, thus attracting the positive things in your life that you want.
Or…(because it works both ways)
Attracting the negative stuffs.
I used to do the later. So much so, that I ended up in a never-ending spiral downwards into depression, debt, loneliness, etc. You name it, I negatively made it happen. One of the most difficult things for me to accept was that: I was responsible for all the things that happened to me in my life.
WHAT?! You cry.
How can that possibly be? How can you bring in unforeseen things that appear completely random into your life AND be responsible for them, to boot. Well, boys and girls. I’m living proof. The more crap I just KNEW was going to happen to me, the more I felt sorry for myself and wallowed at the bottom of the dark well, the worse it got.
Then one day I simply decided that I’d had enough. Now, I didn’t become an expert at it instantly. It was a process that I started and got better at as time went on. I slipped a few times, wished for things and thought about specific things a little too often, visualized them and ‘poof’…it happened. I didn’t WANT it to happen, at least not the way it did or at that time but in the end, I caused it.
So, back on the horse I got and started again. Without getting into a ton of detail, I made myself ONLY visualize positive things. I really thought about what I wanted, how I saw it coming into my life and I was specific. I meditated every day to calming music just to make sure I was in the right frame of mind and didn’t worry (thinking about all the things that could go wrong with my plan). See…that’s the killer of the deal, the worrying. This negative thinking is a death knell for all the good stuff you’ve been working on.
I found the best way to stop thinking negative thoughts was to simply think positive ones and not worry about anything else. It took some doing, but I did it. I listed a whole bunch of things every day that I was grateful for. I thought about all the things I love and happy times I’d had. I visualized all the good things that were going to happen to me: I saw them as they were actually in the here and now.
Does this sound dumb? Keep reading.
I’ve been working hard at this for about three months now. All of what I’ve been wanting is starting to materialize. Money, a better job, contentment, and a great company to work for with fellow employees that actually work together as a TEAM. Everything is falling neatly into place and just think, I’ve only just re-started this process and I’m not about to stop anytime soon.
The thing to be always conscious of is that: It’s really difficult to control your own thoughts. You may be thinking: What the heck is she talking about? Of course I control my own thoughts, I’m thinking them, aren’t I?
Of course you are…but you have that ‘other’ voice. You know the one I’m talking about. I call it ‘back chatter’. That tricksy, sneaky voice that buddies up to you and starts putting doubt into your stream of mindful thinking.
This back chatter whispers things in your ear like:
You can’t possibly do that.
This went all sideways before and it will again.
It will be just like the last time and you’ll fail.
I think you catch my drift. You must stop the chatter. Tell it go bugger off and go away. Remember Sméagol? He tells Gollum to ‘Go away and NEVER come back!’
Well you can tell your Gollum to do that as well. They’ll listen because they’re you, after all, and you’re the boss!
We are all made up of energy when broken down into our smallest form. Every thought, every spoken word is energy and it’s power. YOU have the power to conduct your energy the way you like and attract the type of energy you wish. I once read that the Universe doesn’t much care about good/bad, negative/positive. It just IS. You think up your life the way you either see it or want it and it happens.
Now, I know what you’re thinking. There is always a case where someone like a child didn’t think up something horrible to happen to him/her…maybe they were sexually assaulted or something like that. I wonder if things are not more free form when we’re little as we’re not really full aware of ourselves, just yet. However, the person doing the assaulting sure is and they attract all the black deviant energy into their lives. I have a whole other theory on that but I won’t get into it, now.
My point is: Try it. Believe it. Let it happen. Let the love into your soul and stand back while all the cool, wonderful things start flooding into your life. It takes a bit of practice but nothing comes without effort.
Good luck to you!
I want to be part of something that is always ‘becoming’. I hate labels, boxes, specific cultures, etc. I am not defined by any one thing; I am unique and ever changing. We all are, really, but I find that people want to put people into categories, nice and neat pretty little boxes. You are the colour blue; not, you are the colour blue today but tomorrow you might be orange. It’s as if we can’t be all encompassing.
I can’t possibly adore technology, be a professional business person yet write poetry, science fiction and role-play online all at the same time. Yet, somehow I do. So what if I can talk for hours about the mining industry and then switch effortlessly to water drop photography, the paranormal and then on to what the Mar’s Rover is up to? Oh, and I’ll throw in current events, fashion and the weather while I’m at it.
People are multi-faceted and multi-dimensional. Most of us just don’t believe it or understand ourselves and how much we can do and be.
I am on a quest to be part of a company that lives in the now; a living breathing entity of always changing, always improving and always making sure to evaluate itself for further upgrades and features. I abhor the: we’ve being doing it this way for x-number of years and it’s working so we’re not about to change!
Really? Is it really working for ya? If it was, why do I keep seeing your company advertising for the same positions over and over again about every 6-8 months? How much is that costing you? I bet you don’t even know.
People evolve; people change. Companies are PEOPLE. Get into the groove, this century and most importantly, get into the moment. The moment is now and every moment after that. Keep up, listen up and let your team take you to the next level. Let your ‘people’ be people and give them the power to improve. If you don’t, they’ll improve anyway…just not under your roof. They’ll help some other lucky corporation make it to the top.
Your company isn’t a hive with worker bees that all think the same way and live for only the Queen Bee; it’s a massive web catching wonderful things in it. Every day, all the little spiders tear down the web and take those wonderful things away to do the best with them that they can. Then they re-build, re-model, re-design and improve the web to be even better and more intricate than it was the last time.
How will you build your web?
Kind of Blue
It’s early evening and dappled mid-spring light finds its way through half-closed blinds and murky windows, dirtied from last winter. It was chilly here this afternoon but now the sky has cleared and the late sun is warm and inviting. I’ve got the window open just slightly; it smells of spring rain – earthy and fertile, mixed with cherry blossoms and tulip magnolias.
I’ve just finished baked Atlantic salmon and whole wheat pasta for dinner…still a little buzzed on the ice cold vodka that I’ve allowed myself – oh-so-graciously.
I’m sitting here, writing for all of you, with possibly the best Jazz album ever recorded playing in the background. Miles Davis, Kind of Blue. It whets my appetite for creativity just enough to linger here on this page and jot down a few thoughts.
I live in such a high density area right in the heart of the downtown core of Vancouver and all I can hear are robins, soft traffic swooshes and of course, Miles & Bill Evans with Coltrane and Cannonball Adderley soloing, as they make magic with Blue in Green .
Once upon a time when I was in college and in the Jazz program, I owned this LP. It was the first Jazz album I ever bought. Unfortunately it died a sad death in a flooded basement along with my youth.
If you’ve never heard Miles Davis, never listened to Kind of Blue in the dark with your eyes close…I highly recommend it.
It’s a little slice of heaven.
For all those online friendships; we all get caught in the web. 🙂 the WWW, that is.
Finding bold beauty
with eyes shut tight,
heart hidden soft in lullabies
and tongue stilled
When dreams, unremembered
follow into waking day
led by tight fingers wound round beliefs
taking you ahead into still light
When we find joy
without searching or need
without want, a flight of abandoned shyness
across a sea of moving electrons
Where friendships form
trust taking hold, become relationships
faceless fragments of meaning find you
nameless words catch and hold you
And you didn’t see it coming
Until, quite by accident,
Tripping over sypmpatico and fiber optic light impulses
You discover that absolutely everything…
Is lost in heaven and wonder
Roses, movies, dinner, making love…
I can’t tell you how many Valentine’s Day evenings I’ve spent alone and the last time I was with that special someone? I would say a decade ago. It’s difficult these days, people live in different cities; it’s mid-week…etc., etc.
Does it matter anymore? I don’t know. Is this actually a special day or one induced by marketing? I’m on the fence. In the past I’ve gone to great lengths for my man on this day. Did it pay off? I don’t think so. Oh, I’m sure they appreciated it at the time to some degree but at the end of the day I doubt they cared much. These days I’m just not sure what to do.
What is the etiquette when you’re middle aged? I haven’t got a clue.
All I know is that it’s a Thursday, I’m alone sitting here typing and the only male around is napping on the bed. I love him dearly…even if he wakes me up at God-forsaken hours. He even has his own declaration of this human event.
Can you spot his heart? It’s the first thing I noticed about him when I picked him out, chose him…all those years ago while volunteering at the MEOW Foundation in Calgary, AB.
He is and always will be my funny little Valentine…
Two out of Three Ain’t Bad…
Another Happy New Year! I had a peek at my post from last year and discovered that I actually accomplished two out of the three goals on my list. That’s not half bad.
One to go; I can live with that. I’ve added a few new ones along the way but they’re easily attainable.
May all of you reach your goals, whatever they may be; may you find happiness this year and always.
When Corporations Aim to Gain at the Cost of Employee Payout and Motivation
What is the real cost of replacing an employee? It’s a significant investment which many companies don’t take into consideration. They figure well…if you don’t like it, there’s the door. My ex-husband loved to use the expression on me. Guess what? I left; he was devastated. What a shocker.
When a company will do everything to squeeze every dollar out of you but not pay you what you’re worth…or what it says in your contract they’re supposed to – it creates not only animosity but it breeds discontent. It prompts one to bad mouth the corporation due to disgruntlement and this can cause a considerable amount of damage.
It’s far better to work things out in a fair manner rather than: Do what I say or else…there’s the door. We know where the door is, in fact we’ve been cracking a few windows, too to let in some fresh air – looking for opportunities in other pastures. When we leave, we take our knowledge with us – even if it’s not to a competitor. We take the thousands of dollars you paid to have us trained, flying us around the world to trade shows, etc. We take the relationship we’ve painstakingly built with YOUR clients and now you have to start at square one, again with the new person.
If you fire us, that’s our problem…if we resign – it’s yours. Either way – in the long run it will cost you a hell of a lot more to replace us than it would have to meet us in the middle with a win/win agreement.
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