Monthly Archives: April 2015

Month-End Madnes

Posted by fragmentedpoet on

In sales, life is never a walk in the park. There are clients to pester into buying something from you, problems to solve and of course…a target to hit.

Yup. And that is where the stress lies, pretty much all of it, too.

As a reseller, I have two companies I have to please, the one I work for and the one who makes said product that I sell. It gets even more complicated when both companies have different year-ends and quarter-ends. The agendas change.

There is nothing worse than someone emailing you a billion times a day asking:

Are they going to buy? Did they buy? When are they going to buy? How can we make them buy?

Are we there yet….??!!

I’m a professional. I hate to bug the shit out of my clients. It’s month end, but it’s month end for them, too. Also, it should be known that my own boss doesn’t do this to me…it’s the company that does the making (developing) of the product that I sell.

But I’m reasonable, plus I’d kinda like to get the sale through, too. Not that I haven’t been following up for the past MONTH with all of my opportunities, but hey…last day of the month and all.

So. The dude (who works for the company who makes the stuff I sell) says to me:

“You need to call them up, now, and find out why they won’t buy.”

I say back…

“I did, I know why and I already told you, but I also don’t want to pester the crap out of my clients.”

And he goes on with…

“Isn’t that your job?”

I respond…

“No, it’s my job to be professional with my clients and help them decide the best options for THEM.”

Sheesh.

Another mediocre sales month, but onwards and upwards, right?

Positive thinking! Yeah, that’s the ticket. 😉

And LOVE, can't forget that one.

And LOVE, can’t forget that one.

Like Never Before

Posted by fragmentedpoet on

I’ve learned a lot about myself in the past two weeks. It’s been a struggle to say the least…but it’s been a labour of love. There were times when I broke down and felt helpless and useless but never once did I lose the will to keep fighting the good fight.

Never once did I give up on him.

Love is a funny thing…it knows no time frame, no boundaries and it can be as big as the entire Universe. It can lead you into uncharted waters and though the fear is it will leave you high and dry – the risks are worth it, in my opinion.

His journey is an incredibly difficult one but as with all paths in life, we need not walk it alone.

As long as he allows it, I will be there, at his side. I will stand true; I will stand strong.

This is for you, B. I’m so proud to be in your life.

Line Cutting

Posted by fragmentedpoet on

This is, by far, my greatest driving pet peeve. In fact, in infuriates me.

Every day when I drive to work…I get into the RH turning lane at the top of 20th St. in New Westminster. This leads onto the Queensborough Bridge and it’s one hell of a long line up.

The other lane turns left into New West. You can’t go straight.

You know where I’m going with this, right? There is ALWAYS one (or two) asshole(s) who drive down the other lane, bypassing everyone who has been sitting there, inching forward ever so slowly, from light to light… for 15 min or longer.

These bastards/bitches cut in line at the end…forcing their way in so THEY don’t have to do what the rest of us good people have to do – which is: WAIT. IN A CUE. WITH EVERYONE ELSE.

Whilst the good commuting people of the Lower Mainland are doing thus…hating it, but doing it, because it’s polite and it’s the right thing to do…there are those (and YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE) that think they’re just a little bit better than the good people of the world and feel justified in breaking the law and pissing off everyone. Why? Maybe they’re running a little late…maybe they didn’t know the lanes split…maybe I’ve got a bridge in Portland for sale that has your name on it.

Riiiiight. T. F. B. I say. That’s “too fucking bad” for the acronym-impaired.

Now, I want to say something to the people that let them (the assholes) into said line, because…you don’t have to. Make them wait! When you let them in, a) they win and b) you’re letting them know that it’s okay to be a jerk.

Don’t! Don’t be intimidated by their BIG vehicle! Don’t let them stare you down, beg, threaten you with hand gestures that make absolutely no sense and possible swear words (because you can’t hear them when they’re yelling inside their car).

Do. NOT. Let. Them. In.

I don’t. If they stare me down…I give them the: I’m an evil witch and will hex you, look. This confuses the hell out of them and may even frighten some. Good. That’s the idea.

I yell: KARMA HEX!! -at them, shaking my fist. Really, you should see some of the reactions I get back. I think I karma hexed about three people, today. They’ll get their comeuppance. Oh yeah.

I don’t fall for that desperate, pleading look, either. *See previous acronym in the body of this blog.

Nope, NOT getting in!

I wish there was room where the COPS could be pulling aside and ticketing these offenders-of-the-lanes, because the COPS will do that if they can. I have no issues with this. Good, I say, book ’em, Danno!

So. Are you going to cut into a lane, tomorrow on your way to work? I’d advise you not to…Karma can be a bitch.

karma

Closure

Posted by fragmentedpoet on

This message can never be repeated, enough.

Someone’s heart is a gift, not a thing to be kicked to the curb. A person’s love is the highest high and the most beautiful, precious thing we, as human beings, as souls… have to offer, another.

Never take it lightly, for granted… or cast it aside like a shadow in the dark.

tradervancouver's avatartradervancouver

I thought I as doing OK.

I was wrong.

I wrote a rather lengthy post. Then I deleted all of it, except for those two lines above.

Please. If you’re going to end a relationship with someone, particularly a serious partner where time, emotion, and energy were greatly invested, give them closure if they ask for it.

Leaving someone to feel tossed away, or that they didn’t matter, is hurtful and damaging. And if you have done that, I would venture to say that it is never too late to give them peace. It’s a generous gift that costs nothing, and yet has immeasurable value.

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Getting Past It All

Posted by fragmentedpoet on

Life…

It can be a brutal journey or a beautiful one. Usually it’s a colourful mixture of blood red with swirls of pastel mother of pearl, highlights. It’s such an individual thing, all of us have our own paintings of our life, memories, like canvases, hung up on the walls of our minds.

I know when I take trips down memory lane, I walk past all of those paintings, and take pause – here and there…to really look over the details. I see the scenes unfold from my internal paintbrush and I touch the brush strokes, noticing how bold or faded the colours have become.

Some of these pictures of my life, I don’t put up. I keep them locked up in a vault. When I dare to, I open it up and pull them out, one-by-one, to gaze at pain. I think I really don’t see what I think I see. I think my mind has skewed some of the reality that was. Perhaps it really wasn’t all that good, or it really wasn’t all that horribly bad. I don’t know as memories are funny things. They tend to re-write themselves along the way to suit us.

Sometimes you just have to step back and see things the way they really were. This can be difficult but not impossible. It’s incredibly heart wrenching if the memory is a painful one and it throws us into a bright red world of intense, unbearable, torture.

Memories are not just scenes in our minds; they are emotions, powerful ones…emotions that make or break us. And when they break us, it can seem like we are unrepairable. But, we are not. People are resilient. If we look to those who love us and need us along with others who have the skills to really help us, we will prevail.

We can, we WILL carry on and, ultimately, get past it all.

inhale and exhale

How Do You Mend a Broken Heart?

Posted by fragmentedpoet on

Not mine… mine’s still in one piece. 😉

But, someone who means the world to me, who is suffering, feeling quite broken and even though they have all one would think they ‘need’ right there in front of them…along comes a reminder. A reminder that someone else took their heart, their trust and their love, snatched it like a baby bird from a nest and crushed it into dust.

Just. Like. That.

How do we get over that? How can we bear watching them skip along in life, untouched, unscathed – knowing they could care less about the carnage they left behind in their wake.

I think at some time or another, we all get familiar with that feeling. That we were used and completely taken for a fool. I’ve been there, lied to, taken advantage of by smiling eyes and ‘I love you’s’ that meant as much to them as monopoly money means to a bank.

How much is one’s trust worth? It’s priceless.

There are users in this big ‘ole world, and there are givers and everything in-between. I believe everything and every person has a purpose. Users come into our lives to teach us about giving, but more importantly…about receiving.  Lots of people are good at giving but ask them to receive back what they’ve given to others? It’s sometimes very hard for them to do.

How do you mend a broken heart?

With love, of course…

Love, patience and kindness. Time…tenderness and helping that sweet, messy, adorable,  heart, learn to receive back, all of that which was taken for granted, before. All that they deserved from another and didn’t get, offer it up to them but don’t think they’ll accept it willingly. Because they may not, at first. The wounds are still fresh and bleeding; you haven’t yet proven yourself.

But that’s okay. Bide your time, take a step back and wait for them to come to you.

Even if they never do, one day they’ll realize their own worth, just by remembering what was offered with no strings attached, from you. They’ll let go of that ‘string’ from that ‘other person’ and forgive. These are valuable lessons. We must forgive in order to move forward; we have to let go. This isn’t easy and some never do. Some carry the pain with them, always and they don’t need to.

Healing is a very personal thing. It can’t be rushed. But love? It’s a constant. So give it to them, let them know it’s unconditional (real love always is), be there for them. Don’t scold. Don’t allow your own insecurities to diminish what you offer. Be true. Be real.

Give them room to breathe, space and solitude if they need it but make sure they know you’re only a text, a phone call, a short drive, a kiss…away.

A Feel Good Story

Posted by fragmentedpoet on

Relationships are hard…

Well, they can be challenging and for the most part they are a work in progress. I truly believe if two good people are a ‘real’ match, wonderful things can be accomplished – long lasting things that can span over a great number of years.

Let me give you an extremely sweet example.

My mother had her first official boyfriend at the tender age of 15. It was an innocent time and back in those days (also back in Denmark) 15-year old’s behaved themselves (more or less). It was a true time of sweetness, good clean fun, adventures and friendship.

Her boyfriend at the time, was also 15. A young good-looking strapping lad that was all googly-eyed over the gorgeous and curvaceous, young, blonde bombshell. I’ve seen her pics, I really don’t blame him; she was really hot stuff.

As luck would have it, their love bloomed but was short-lived. My Grandfather had always loved Canada and the young family (my mom, grandparents and aunt) moved to Oakville Ontario. For those of you who don’t want to run to Google Maps. Denmark and Canada are a a hell of a long way away.

Now, keep I mind, this is 1951. There were two main ways to communicate: telephone and mail. I’m going to assume that there were a few letters written back and forth between the lovelorn 15-year old’s from across the Atlantic, but in the end – it was an end of a beautiful beginning.

Or…was it…??

As it turns out, no!

Sixty some odd years later, after my step-father had passed away, my mother gets the idea that she should look up her old beau on the internet. Or… ‘on the computer’ as she puts it. And, she’s in luck!! Her very first boyfriend is also a widower.

Long story short, the two hit it off, again, immediately. It was as if the years simply melted away. Before they knew it, they were Skyping, once a week. Then Leif decided it was time for a visit.

Off he flew to Canada and the two of them went on a romantic holiday to Maui, for about 3-weeks. I’m told this is where they fell in love….(again).

Awww…

After several months, he returned to Denmark. Life went on…but not before the pair decided to get together, again. And this time, for much longer.

He’s currently staying in Canada for as long as he can (6 months). Then they’re jetting off to Denmark for another three.

I have to say, I’ve met him, he’s adorable and the two are inseparable!

If a couple of 79-year old’s can make it work after living almost one whole complete life, apart, then I have hope.

I have confidence that I too, can/will make it work out. I’m really hoping it’s with the current boy that I adore, but if it isn’t, I’m convinced there is the right someone out there for all of us.

Not that I want to wait until my 70’s, mind you. But still…cutest love story, EVER.

Tell Me a Love Story

A Poem for the Weary

Posted by fragmentedpoet on

I can’t remember when I wrote this or where it came from, but for all those who have ever felt a little ‘broken’ in spirit.

This is for you:

Broken

Celia ate her words
smearing her lips with pretty prose
that stole the only smile she had left
and had quite forgotten about…

Her tears were borrowed, somewhere deep in the past
not intended for public viewing
eyes that had forgotten how to cry
welled up with leftover daydreams instead.

Life that could have,
dreams that should have….

She was broken,
egg shells crushed quite beyond
any hope of royal repair, Celia could not
put any life back together again.

Broken

Making Up

Posted by fragmentedpoet on

Breaking up sucks.

Making up, however, is like a fine sliver of dark chocolate melting ever so slowly on your tongue, accompanied by a mellow tingle of Shiraz rushing past and swirling down your throat. It sets your taste buds tingling, satisfies your craving for something sweet, yet earthy…and brings on that warm buzz with reflective overtones. You might think of spring blossoms, crashing waves on a naked shore, or rumbling thunderstorms in the distance.

A sweet memory chasing after you; always wanting just –

A little.

Bit.

More.

A not quite satiated subtle glow that leaves you craving his hurried, gentle touch and wet lips placed in strategic places.

nestled_by_clurdiga-d5kld68

Today I’m Not the Same Girl As I Was, Yesterday

Posted by fragmentedpoet on

I’ve been toying around with an interesting concept for a few years, now. It’s the idea that you are a new person, every day. In essence, the person you woke up as, today, is  not the person you were, yesterday.

Now, stick with me because it’s a bit to get your head around, but once I’m done – you’ll get it and it will all make sense. Physically/chemically/spiritually – we are changing every moment. Every time you take in a new breath of air, it’s not the same exact air that you breathed, the last time you took a breath.

Your brain is constantly firing off little pulses of energy that create  thoughts every single second. They may be similar thoughts, but they’re not the exact same thoughts as we know, we cannot go back into the past. We ‘live’ in the moment, even if our hearts and minds think we should stay in the past or leap forward into a possible future. Both are impossible.

What we’re doing when we choose to live in our pasts (dwell there, constantly) is like going through a massive filing cabinet and sorting through all of the files, there, over and over, again. Try it. Get up right now and go to where you keep your ‘files’ and look through them. You know that as soon as you walk away, they’ll still be there…they’re not going anywhere unless you want them to (or by chance, they are destroyed).

These are our memories. We sort through them, all the time – filing them away in our ‘head’ and shoving bits of useful and useless information into random folders. I think we all remember everything, but there are so many folders, so much to sort through, (and let’s face it, our heads are not always that organized!) that we think we can’t remember things/events/names/faces …etc. It’s called forgetting. Think of it as having randomly shoved a piece of paper with a list of Christmas present ideas …but into the file labeled ‘2003 Taxes’. You’d never think to look there, would ya?!

Right at this very moment, as I type away and create this blog post, I’m creating new memories, experiencing new experiences and filing them away as I do it. I’m literally becoming something new with all of these NEW thoughts.

Are you still with me?

I’m not the same person I was 5 min, ago, because I’ve just created a whole new set of memories – and even though they’re not terribly significant, they are still NEW. That’s not to say that we don’t feel like we’re repeating ourselves…often we do similar things and live through similar experiences, over and over again.

But, do we have to?

As conscious beings, I think we can choose to ‘not’ repeat or feel like we are repeating, ourselves. If only we simply take a moment to realize just what’s going on, we can shift at any given time. We can shift our thought patterns, shift our beliefs and become something different than what we were, someone better. 

We are creatures that learn. We are creatures that grow and change. We can start over and do things right, the second time, if we wish it.

Today I’m not the same girl as I was, yesterday. And every single day when upon waking,  I will choose to be better than I was.

rapture_by_musingcalliope-d6eusna

Worry

Posted by fragmentedpoet on

My little guy (aka, Zephyrus the cat) was so sick, today. He threw up everywhere, cried in pain and hid under the covers. Currently he’s in his little house.

Cats do that when they are ill; they hide. It’s a leftover instinct from their feral days. Their instinct tells them that they are more vulnerable to predators so to protect themselves, they must not become a target.

It’s a helpless feeling to not be able to make your pet better. And when it gets too bad for them, you have to send them on their way…put them out of misery and end their existence.

It’s too early for that, given his disease and progress, but I worry nonetheless. How will I do this, alone? How will I manage to end his little life after 12 years of loving his fluffy little self, to bits. I moved him all the way from Calgary, AB to Vancouver, BC. It was the longest drive of my life…11 hours to be exact. He cried all the way. Most of it, anyway.

How will I go on without him? No one to greet me at the door, no one to snuggle with at night and no more games of hide and seek, tag and kill the string.

But we do. Our hearts ache and break with grief but we get on with it.

In the meantime, he’ll get whatever he wants, tons of mommy love and I’ll stop at nothing to ease any suffering.

Good pet owners do that. We know when to hold on and we know when it’s time to let go.

Z

Thar Be Vikings!

Posted by fragmentedpoet on

I’m an avid fan of Vikings but no only because of the raiding, blood, gore and all in all violence (violins for those of you that get the joke) – but because there is a) historical reference to actual REAL people in this series and b) I’m kinda half Viking, myself.

Well…

My mother is Danish (immigrated to Canada when she was 15-years old).  I’m just certain that somewhere back in my ancestry of Scandinavian heritage that there must be some Vikings in there.

For historical and factual reference – a Viking isn’t someone who lived back in ‘those’ days and was from Scandinavia. No. A true VIKING was an explorer (more or less…). The Norsemen were quite the culture with all of their fierce Gods, their (warrior’s idea of heaven) Valhalla, and their fondness for mead.

They were settlers, farmers, explorers, (they ended up in Newfoundland!) pillagers and they were damn good at what they did! Also, it’s rumoured that they were much bigger and taller than the poor Englishmen whom they “visited” a lot.

To be sure, my heritage has always fascinated me; watching ‘Vikings’ helps satiate some of that yearning to better understand my ancestors. Did you know that Bjorn Ironside was a real live historical person?

So! Imagine my surprise when I was waiting for the Sky Train to take me to downtown Vancouver, yesterday…when I saw…

A Viking!!

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Adventures in Online Dating: E for Effort

Posted by fragmentedpoet on

Just gotta love this… (lol).

secretgeek's avatarGeek's Secret Life

I understand that part of dating – and especially online dating – is presenting yourself in a light that makes you attractive to the person of your desire. Obviously, in light of being single, I don’t do very well at that myself; but do consider the following exchange:

Woman: “So, what do you mean by cosmology? Stuff like the moon, mars, and the sun, right?”

Secretgeek: “Cosmology is the study of the universe’s origin, evolution, nature, and eventual end.”

Woman: “Yes that is very interesting indeed, though I don’t think we can ever predict the future of the planets, considering it is all random chance that the earth came to be from gasses and water and rock due to specific temperatures and pressure.”

Well she tried, right?

At least she did not confuse the subject with astrology…

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Inspired

Posted by fragmentedpoet on

Some people pop into your life for a little while…others, a life time.

This is for those that have left their indelible mark.

You make it effortless

dreams that dig deep into every heart of
endless possibilities, potentials of
every achievement and –
every time you speak…

I want to listen.

You make it happen.

synergies tripping across sympatico with optimal
performance that translates
into multiple epiphanies
multiplying positive outcomes

You breathe serendipity.

You make a difference.

collecting the very best of every thought
weaving through energy, translating ideas –
a captivating collage that
captures true spirit and produces results,

You inspire me…
to be better.

Go_West_by_Quiescent_Reverie

My achy breaky heart…

Posted by fragmentedpoet on

Dear heart,

Every day it’s going to get a little better; it’s going to hurt a little less. Go easy on yourself – you’re a good heart, a deserving heart. It’s okay to be sad. It’s okay to grieve…but it’s okay to hope, too. Just be realistic and most importantly…be true to yourself.

You know your real value, your worth and what you’ve accomplished. You know who you are in the world, where you are going and where you’ve been.

There will be a day when you look back to this one and smile. You’ll be grateful for the experience and grateful that another soul trusted enough to let you into their life …it doesn’t matter for how long. Life is far too short and good people, I mean REALLY good people should be cherished. Always and forever.

Know that you’re going to be okay. You’ve survived a hell of a lot worse and you’ll live through this, too.

Never forget what you’ve learned and be ever so thankful that you were gifted this chance to learn from another. It’s a precious thing that should never be taken lightly.

Understand that you’re worthy. If all is lost, someday, when you least expect it, there will be another that sets, YOU, my heart, on fire, once again. You need only be patient and in the meantime….take some ‘me’ time.

Sweet heart… you WILL heal. It just takes a little R&R, a little TLC and a whole lot of time.

Be brave, be real and be true.

Peace,

~Me.

Light-in-Heart

Which Muppet Would You Be?

Posted by fragmentedpoet on

I’ve always adored the Muppets. In fact, I used to watch the show, (when it aired) religiously. I particularly love the Grumpy Old Men and the Swedish Chef. Beaker, was another fave.

Funny, because my first husband was a ‘real’ Swedish Chef. Well, okay, he was a cook with Swedish Heritage. His dad, however, was a true Swedish Chef and actually taught the Chef Training Course at the college I attended.

But I digress…

I’ve given this a lot of thought. Really! It’s a bit silly, but I need ‘fun and silly’ in my life, right now.

I truly believe I’m Kermit.

Lest you ask: “What is up with that?! Kermit is a DUDE!”

You’d be right. But…there is only really one true female character and I’m definitely NOT Miss Piggy.

So yeah…I’m Kermie. Kermie sans Miss Piggy. Or…just Kermit.

Here’s why:

  • Kermit struggles with himself. He’s said (and sung): “It’s not easy being green” I completely agree. I’m not green…but that can’t be easy. Also, it’s not easy being me. I don’t think any of us have an easy go at life, but I tend to torture myself (emotionally) just a little bit more than others. Also, he’s insecure about how he looks and what he can achieve. I’m not the only one who does this, but as a single girl, I tend to compare myself to younger, prettier, girls. I also have issues on what I’m really good at and just what I ‘can’ accomplish.
  • Kermit is a really nice dude. He means well and if he makes mistakes, it’s certainly not on purpose. I can relate to this. In fact, I’ve been accused of being TOO nice, on occasion. I also fuck up. A LOT.  Recently, I had a major award-winning, all-time book-worthy… fuck-up; I really don’t want to go there, though. Kermit is kinda like that, too. He feels the need to explain himself, a lot. Also, he’s helpful, kind and empathetic. I’ve been told I am like this, as well. I do mean well. Kermit does, too.
  • Kermit sings. I sing! Kermit may actually be a bit better than me; certainly he’s more famous…but I do okay with the vocal cords.
  • Kermit is short. I’m a little short. Not too short…but in my stocking feet, I’m a whopping: 5’4”.
  • He’s got a pretty decent sense of humour – albeit, it’s subtle. I can be funny! Not hysterical-type funny…but amusing, for sure.

Now, we’re not twinsies or anything, but the point of this is to pick one Muppet character that you identify with. I identify with Kermit the Frog.

Which Muppet are you?

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