An Unconventional Birthday Wish

Does it make sense to wish someone a Happy Birthday when they’re dead?

I don’t know the answer to that one, but because his loss is still so raw with me and because he only ‘would’ have been 47, today…and tomorrow is Christmas, after all… I’ll do it anyway.

Happy Birthday, Brian. xo

For three months in my life, you were everything to me, although it seems I knew you for years. You mattered, most. Your presence made me a better soul. I learned so much from you. Your leaving still hurts like the most unimaginable hell. I hope you’re okay. I love you. I hope you’re being cared for and healing, where you are. I miss you. Thank you for being part of my journey. And finally, I’ll see you again, some day. 🙂

You’re so very missed and so VERY LOVED by so very many…

Those moments we almost dreamed

thoughts of better times

between a star and magic

I know you

By ghost or Angel

my love and friend

I lived sacred poetry in you

2 responses to “An Unconventional Birthday Wish

  1. I promised myself I wouldn’t cry today.
    I’m really shitty at making promises to myself.

    I would always try to phone or at the very least email Brian on his birthday every year.

    He sent me a card on my 21st birthday that said, “Here is a cake, and here is Edith”, and there was a picture of a cake and a beautiful girl. In the inside it said, “You can’t have your cake and Edith too!”. I have never tasted irony so much in my life.

    They say that hindsight is 20/20, but I would trade it all to turn back the clock. If I knew the pain that he was suffering I would have come over to Vancouver and told him that it was ok and give him a big hug. People loved him, and everyone has hard moments that we move on from. Live is such a short time, and we should never take it for granted.

    I was going to post on Facebook today to hug the people that you love, because they will not be around for ever. Enjoy the moment, and enjoy this inexplicable ride that we are all on together.

    Goddamn it. I didn’t want to share this but I held it in as long as I could…….

    • *Hugs*

      It’s okay to cry. Crying is release. It’s cleansing and it’s part of healing. We’re all human; we all cry. We were designed this way.

      Although we’re all struggling to understand, to make some semblance of ‘logic and sense’ over the whole thing…it was never about the cake or the girl. It was about ‘him’. You can have all the love in the world but if you can’t love yourself, you don’t see or possibly understand the gifts life brings you.

      Life always will bring us pain, it’s up to us to decide what to do with it and how to handle it.

      He knows you love him, D. He knows you miss him and that this will take a lot of time to sort out in our hearts.

      Merry Christmas and much love to you and your family. ox

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