I wonder, sometimes, about the people that I once loved and cared for.
Everyone moves on. They find their love; make a home, then a family, a stable career and suddenly they are set for life. They seem happy, satisfied that they have achieved all of their goals – warm and cozy in their homes, raising children and planning family life.
Me? I flow with the current, a thing of the river and then on to the sea to be taken in and out with the tides.
They belong. To someone, somewhere and somehow they have taken root and flourished. All of them, gardens of colourful flowers and trees that reach to the sky so pristine and part of the earth. They are part of…
How have I missed this? Was I looking too hard for it that it passed by before my very eyes? How did it happen that I still lack a foundation? I build and I build but I am building sand castles. They wash away back into the waves and not a trace is left of me to find.
Maybe I am not meant to stay rooted in one spot but more like a petal that flies in the wind. There is always such constant change and the stability that I have always craved and wished for is never to be found. I am forever in flux, the cusp of a changing season but never the season, itself.
For me, life is not standing still; it’s the dance of rain in a storm. It’s the flight feathers of a bird. I don’t think I’ll ever be held in one spot for long. It is not my nature, and the more I want it the further away it is. I can see it but never grasp it.
I am water, even resting, I move up to the clouds to re-position myself elsewhere just when you may think I’m stagnant. I am air, a constant flow of moving particles. I am flame, spreading wild my cleanse; the path behind me still hot with ashes. I am sky, reaching out with all of me in every direction; part of everything at once.
Earth, I am not. Perhaps my love is my earth, my constant and my touchstone. I will wrap myself around him like the atmosphere while his gravity keeps me and binds me to him. This is where I lay my foundation as when the ocean claims it, he becomes the sand in which I re-build.