Tag Archives: love

Moving Forward

Posted by fragmentedpoet on

We have a new little addition to our family. He’s not a replacement; Z will always be in my heart and I miss him, every single day. It’s really hard to believe it’s been a whole 45 days since he took his final breath with my hands gently supporting him (he refused to lie down even with the happy drugs) with Pete standing by.

Little Breeze (his name, in honor of Zephyr) is a handful. He also came to us very sick. Although this is typical of rescue cats and kittens, it’s not cool that the rescue organization didn’t make sure he was perfectly well before allowing him to be adopted from where he was kept…in a cage with his brothers and other kittens at a vet animal hospital in Vancouver.

We’re not impressed with either the cat rescue organization (they didn’t bother to check up on us even though they’d asked for 2 references and our vet’s #) or the animal hospital (who told us he was fine, just finish his meds, it’s only a little URI).

Nope! It’s a massive  bacterial upper respiratory infection along with a tummy infection AND eye infection. The poor little guy was a mess! We’re talking snot rockets, mucousy eyes and diarrhea.

After God knows how many rounds of meds (and $500+ in vet bills AFTER the $350 it cost to adopt him) he’s getting better. He’s now 4.5 months old, rambunctious as hell and after 4 weeks with us, Sabrina (our Tortie) has finally accepted him. They play, she tries to groom him, he gives her the paw of NOPE then they settle down and sleep side-by-side. They wrestle, play tag and then run to the kitchen for snacks.

It’s adorable. They’re adorable.

His sleeping habits need some refining. It’s not cool to sleep ON my face (and then sneeze snot rockets all over me…my pillow, the sheets – you get the picture). I’m hoping in time that he will start to snuggle with Sabrina – or, she’ll ‘let’ him. She’s not there, yet. But, it’s early days.

I’m hopeful. ❤

This is he.

Morning Breeze B&W

Breeze Purple

You’ve come a long way, baby…

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You know, I’ve been on the hunt for a truthful, meaningful relationship for the past four+ years. For the most part, it’s been painful. I’ve dated (and been engaged to) cheaters, compulsive liars, men who can’t commit and would rather keep you on the hook until they find something better. You’re nothing but a convenient bed partner for them and you’re ‘ok’…but they keep looking for the next best thing.

I’ve dated men who are (and always will be) players, those that have been (and still are) addicted to dating sites; it’s like a hobby they take up. Along the way, I’ve met crazy people who one minute claim that I’m the best thing since sliced bread and then the next they ditch me because they can’t handle it…then (and this was probably the best one, yet) three weeks later they MARRY a virtual stranger.

Yes, folks, I’ve seen it all. Men, who can’t take care of themselves, seem lost in life, flitting here and there. One minute they want to move in with you and build a life, the next they run off to Alberta, and then back to Montreal…they bring nothing but chaos into their own lives (and yours if you’re lucky enough to be attached to them).

Some think they can fool you into believing that they are committed yet still think it’s ‘ok’ to continue to date other women from dating sites claiming that ‘it’s just friends’.

Uh, huh…and I was born yesterday, boys.

I’ve had self-righteous ones who claim they’re enlightened and so very highly elevated to the point that you simply can’t comprehend them and because you’re so in the dark and beneath them, it’s impossible for the two of you to work out. (This one is runner up for second best).

I’ve been led on, lied to, fooled, hurt, disappointed, let down, abused and cheated on – several times.

Then…

Just as you think every male out there is just like the ones you’ve wasted your time with, someone comes along and completely knocks your socks off. He’s so damn perfect that at first you’re not sure you even want him because it’s impossible to believe he can be THAT right for you. So you write him off.

But because he IS that perfect for you and he damn well knows it, he doesn’t give up. Nope. He keeps knocking on your door, keeps in touch, keeps hoping and then when the light bulb finally goes on in a really big way (kind of like the sun full on in your eyes at mid-day in the middle of summer)…you can’t believe your luck.

Then he confesses that not only were you worth the wait but he would have waited one hell of a long time for you to come to your senses because….

…he knows you’re the one for him and he’s the one for you. He brings you into his life, his arms and his heart and keeps you safe in there. And as it turns out, all this time you’ve been looking for him, he’s been out there looking for you! Unbelievable.

When you look into his ice-blue eyes with your warm earthy hazel ones, there are no words that need to be exchanged. He’s yours, you’re his. Nothing more needs to be said or understood.

I’ve come a long way, baby, and I’ve kissed one hell of a lot of frogs along the way. It wasn’t a prince who turned up but a Knight and Champion, weather beaten, a little bruised but strong and full of love; he’s the one  ready to stand guard, protect and be a loyal mate.

I can honestly say, it was well worth the torture and if I had to do it all over again, I would…just to be with him.

All the Little Nuances of New Love

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So you’ve won a heart. Or…at least you’re pretty sure that you have. All the signs are there, you tentatively say the quick “I love you’s” in emails, softly after a potent glass of wine in a bar whilst looking into each other’s eyes – sometimes even in several languages just to be cute/romantic/sweet.

Je t’aime…seni seviyorum….I love you.

It’s all the same: My heart is yours, please be careful with it and if you’re so inclined as to hand over yours, I’ll promise to do likewise.

It’s a sweet yet tumultuous time.  You can’t wait to look into his eyes; he can’t kiss you quick enough when he sees you again. You’re planning a future and you don’t even know each other, yet. BUT. That will come. After all, you’re seasoned adults, not 16-year olds.

Right?

Right.

You will trip over your words, accidentally embarrass the hell out of him in front of your friends/colleagues but you didn’t mean to. He’ll hurt your way-too-sensitive feelings but he doesn’t mean to. You’re learning each other’s rhythms, idiosyncrasies, loves, hates, needs, wants/desires, negotiables and non-negotiables. And all in a very short span of time.

You worry non-stop that you’ve screwed up and BAM! That’s it – it’s over before it even had the chance to begin. You do everything in your power to let him/her know they are important to you – you’re a team player and you’re willing to put in the time and effort to make it work.

It’s nerve wracking! However, this is what we do. This is what we do to settle ourselves into  ‘coupledom’. It’s how we make sure we don’t die alone, have a companion, a best friend and a lover.

This is what we do as humans; it’s called love. We make it, break it, nearly kill ourselves over it, covet it, hate it but can’t ever do without it.

 

The Seduction of Hope

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There is nothing more intoxicating than ‘hope’, that sweet surrender of possibilities and wonderful things that may come. Without hope there is emptiness and a dark path down a black well. It’s easy to expect the worst when so often it has appeared.

When that silver lining does finally reveal itself in all its beauty and splendor, make  damn sure you’ve got that welcome mat out.

I’m even holding open the door; I’m hopeful.

The Long Road

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Happy New Year peeps. Oh…is that word no longer used? It’s hard to keep up with the newest, latest, hip lingo.

Well, it’s here. 2012. It’s supposed to be a huge year for positive changes,  the reaping of rewards; you’ve planted those seeds, you’ve nurtured them and loved them – now it’s time to sow, baby.

I’m ripe for a whole lot of personal growth for myself.  I’ve been cultivating it for years so it’s now or never. It’s been a very long road and I’m still on it. I can see the end, though, there is a light and it looks damn fine.

Here is to new beginnings (way past old endings), here is to sticking to the plan, landing that awesome job, meeting the ‘one’ and…(lest I forget) moving to a new, cool and funky place closer to my work (think downtown core).  That’s a tall order, but I’m up for it. I’ve been a manifesting machine and it’s high time I had a really, really INCREDIBLE year.

Bring it on.

I really resonate with this song. I know I’m not spiritually there yet, but one day…I’ll let go of everything from my past; I’ll watch it sail away into the sky like a pretty coloured balloon and all I will need:

Is the air I breathe and a place to rest my head…

Do you know where your heart is??

The Intricacy and Intensity of Vulnerability

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I hesitate to pen this as I’m currently in the throes of said vulnerable state. However, if you want to find what you’re looking for or achieve your goal, you must take a calculated risk. Specifically I speak of the vulnerable state of one’s heart.

You know, that fleshy, red beating thing in your chest that flutters, does backflips and sinks down low into your gut when all you want it to do is just sit there and behave itself. If you’re going to get anywhere with your calculated risk, you need to take that heart, put it up on display and hope that it doesn’t embarrass the hell out of you.

Love is an indescribable, elusive and precious commodity that we all have within us to give but finding ‘it’ – that which is: finding another whom wishes to partake in the giving/receiving of said ‘love’, is quite another matter. Many of us struggle with this for years. You think you’ve found, embraced it and now can relax with it, but then it suddenly peters out into nothing like that dribble of rain after a brief but torrent cloud burst. You think it’s cropped up again (and oh, what a joyous surprise!) – but, as it turns out, it’s only lust (love for you, lust for them).

So. I took out my pretty scarlet lump (hypothetically speaking) and had a really good look at it. I gently caressed my fingertips along the soft curves noting the chips and cracks across the circumference. I poked and prodded, seeing that they were well worn but fairly stable. See here, those fissures that run from the centre and spiral outward? Those are hurts, wounds and battle scars.

I’ve acknowledged them, kissed them and rained tears upon them from time to time and over the course of my life – they’ve slowly healed. I’m rather attached to them, actually, as they make me…’me’. Those are my lessons, my references and my strength.

When I choose to become completely open, when I agree to take that risk and hang my vulnerable heart in the window of my soul, it means I’m ready. It means I offer nothing by purity; I give only unconditionally and my expectations are zero. There is no reservation when I hang this baby in front of someone. I hold absolutely nothing back and if you want, you can take that little beaten up heart in your own hands and have a good look at it for yourself. I promise it doesn’t bite.

If I start having expectations that someone just might reciprocate, I open myself up to disappointment and to be frank, it’s not exactly fair to the other party. You don’t know what ‘they’ are going through. You don’t know what it takes for ‘them’ to find that giddy, excited (I can’t stop thinking/dreaming/fantasizing about you) feeling. They may never get there…that’s the ‘risk’ I mentioned. It’s a big one. There are consequences.

However, if said other recipient whom you’re just dying to hand over your darling, beating love-lump to just isn’t going to walk down the same path, you need to be prepared to take that rejection and do something with it.

Oh yeah, and I don’t mean just sit on it and stew about it. Take it, love it, kiss it and send it out and away into the universe so that you can once again heal. Send it with love – love from that heart of yours. Let it go where it needs to go because it’s nothing personal and you don’t need to own it, hang on to it and put in on continuous play just to torture yourself.

Don’t be a masochist! You know your worth. You know that each and every one of us is really: all that and a bag of chips. Eventually someone will walk right up to that heart you’ve got hanging in the window of your soul and point to his own beating, glowing receptacle of love and say:

Here, this is for you, I believe yours is for me….

 

Inspiration

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Once in a while, someone amazing comes into my life to lift my spirit, set fire to my creative neurons and send my imagination into overdrive.

Thank you, M. E. This one is all about you.

Inspired

 
You make it effortless.
 
dreams that dig deep into every heart of
endless possibilities, potentials of
every achievement and –
every time you speak…
 
I want to listen.
 
You make it happen.
 
synergies tripping across sympatico with optimal
performance that translates
into multiple epiphanies
multiplying positive outcomes…
 
You breathe serendipity.
 
You make a difference.
 
collecting the very best of every soul
weaving through energy, translating ideas –
a captivating collage that
captures true spirit and produces results,
 
You inspire me…
 
to be better.

That First Phase of a Potential Relationship

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You know that time…the one where you’re just starting to get to know someone but you don’t really know them at all. Your imagination fills in the blanks; it populates your thoughts with pretty possibilities. One might lay out several maps to which there are many interesting journeys that you might take with this person.

Down those roads you go, careful to note all that is along the way. Perhaps you’re hand in hand down a soft country path under a spring mid-day sky. Corn flowers dot the side of the dirt road where last year’s wheat fields have yet to be sown. This is just one romantic silly fantasy that is woven with a great many others.

This person seems familiar to you, and that is because you’re inventing them before you get to understand what they are truly really all about. It’s that in-between place that allows you to fill in missing information to your own satisfaction. It’s a dangerous place but we all do it.

You wonder if he really likes you as much as you like him. Is he thinking of you and if so – what might that be? Perhaps he’s thinking of several and you are merely one among many. You’ll never know – nor, should you. At this point, it’s not your place.

It’s magical, this time. Anything could happen and your mind wants to envision all of it. Just know that your real person of interest will never live up to your fantasy of them. They are, after all, human…just like you. For now, covet your day dreams and be ready to learn about the real deal; be ready to accept all likelihoods or none at all. This is the beauty of the newness of blossoming potentials.

Meanwhile, back at the ranch…

Posted by fragmentedpoet on

Lately, I’m viewing my singledom as a turning point in my life and once again have launched into the world of the dreaded…online dating sites.  Although I’m making a valiant effort to not fall into old and annoying habits, it’s not working. It’s pissing me off and I don’t like it one bit. Clearly it’s time to give myself a stern talking to. Ok. Here goes. I hope I pay attention.

Self,

Stop being such a putz. Stop checking your email every 5 seconds to see if anyone has left you a message. They haven’t, they won’t and it’s for the best. Get over it. Stop worrying what your picture looks like. If they don’t like it, that’s their problem. It’s cute – so …get over it.

These are the things you should be doing. Do, work on your writing. Do, believe in yourself. Do, focus on your career. Do… remember that what’s meant to be is meant to be.

Get over it and move on with your life.  It’s time to turn over a new leaf.

Friends

Posted by fragmentedpoet on

I don’t have very many of them, in fact, I can count them all on one hand. However, my loyalty is unwavering and my heart is true.

(I kind of feel a little Spock’ish on the last part) 😉

Friendship

I will:
listen to you,
really hear you
when you are
most needing to be heard.

I will:
empathize with your pain
not pity you – as
pity is for the weak
empathy is for understanding.

I will:
not judge
that is not my purpose or place
in the end-
we will judge ourselves
much more harshly than any
soul or God will do.

I will:
not offer advice,
but encourage you
to listen to your own
heart.

You already have all the answers.

I will:
help you to understand them,
help you to heal
showing you an incredible value –

Yourself.
Never doubt You

And,

if you fall,
I will help you up,
dust you off and make sure
your footing is on more solid ground

for the next time.

I am and will continue to be:
your friend.